Addiction Free Diet Experiment Update

I am on day 3 of my self-named Addiction Free Diet Experiment. I definitely haven't been over-eating, but I can't say I specifically feel noticeably better. I'm feeling pretty happy and at peace right now, but there have been times during the past three days where I'm a little moody, low on energy, slightly depressed, and full of annoying, unanswerable questions. Today, I also feel a little bloated. Looking at these things as if I were detoxing from an alcohol or drug addiction, this is exactly what should be happening, considering I've cut out some very addictive substances out of my diet.

I haven't had sugar or sweets besides fruit for three days, yet my mind is craving dessert, showing me pictures of cupcakes and candy, leading me to linger in the vegan cookbook section when I really wanted to look in the health section. And I haven't been snacking on whatever I want. I haven't been eating tons of cheesy nut pates or rich sauces. So what have I been eating?

Day 1: Weight 116.5 lbs (pretty normal for the week)
-Green Juice (11am). -Pear (11:30 am). -2 carrots (4pm) -All raw veggie salad with balsamic vinegar with stir fried zucchini, onion, garlic, and red bell pepper and brown rice leftovers (small plate) (8pm) -still hungry so ate 1 1/2 slice of sprouted wheat bread

Day 2: 117.5 lbs
-Green Juice (9am) -green apple (12noon) -Avocado (3pm) -Romaine salad with my favorite "Olives of Love" garlicky seasoned olives from PCC Natural Market and tomatoes and cucumber with blanched asparagus and a baked sweet potato.
-Groceries purchased: olives, asparagus, orange, tomato (can't remember what else) appx. $12 @PCC

Day 3 (today): 117 lbs
-Apple (10am) -Orange (12:30pm) -For dinner I will have a salad with avocado, tomato, cucumber, onion, and garlic with a small serving of brown rice and blanched asparagus.
-Groceries purchased: pear, bananas, kale, salad greens, 2 tomatoes, 2 avocados, red onion, grapefruit, $16 @Pike Place Market

And so far, these are "The Principles;" the guidelines of the diet:
-The first and most important is CUT OUT ALL ADDICTIVE FOODS (I explained those and listed them in my last blog). This is the heart of this experiment. Get myself away from being obsessed with foods that trigger binging, overeating, and guilt.
-Do NOT eat until hungry
-Do drink green juice every day (a goal; I don't expect to accomplish this strictly every day because of my budget)
-EAT RAW TILL DINNER and dinner must be at LEAST half raw. This will usually be a giant raw salad.
-Eat LIGHT TO HEAVY. Start with green juice in the morning (if having) then fruit when first hungry, then raw vegetables later in the day, and then cooked veggies/grains (if having) during dinner only
-EXERCISE every day. A minimum of a comfortable amount of sun salutes ever day. Other forms: walk, jog, yoga, treadmill, wii fit games, etc.)
-EAT ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED
-BUY ORGANIC as much as possible
-BODY BRUSH every day to promote the removal of waste and toxins

It's too early to say much else about my experiment, but this is what I have done so far. I still don't know where this will lead, what shape this diet will take, or what to do once I feel that my "detox" is done. For the sake of getting these questions out of my mind, here's what I've been asking myself for the past three days:

-Am I not eating enough raw food now? -Should I be aiming for an all-raw diet? -Is it possible to eat more raw without hurting my budget? -Should I cut out grains? -Is it ok to include lentils in my few cooked meals? -What about tofu? -Do I want to go back to being strictly vegan and cut out raw goat cheese? -Should I be following one diet/person/book? -Does any one person/book have all the true answers? -Can I include some vegan comfort food dishes in my future? -Can't I just be a little bit of whatever I want to be as long as I am balanced and peaceful with my choices? -Should I read all the nutrition/raw/vegan books I love all over again to give me more direct guidance or should I let go and just let my body/intuition lead me? -Am I capable of making the best choices for my health, body, and diet? -Is being 100% raw the only way I can lose weight? -Do I want to be 100% raw? -Am I just looking for a label (vegan, raw, etc)? -How will I know when my "detox" from my addictive foods is over? -What should I include in my diet after it is over? -Should I stay away from all sweets forever? -Am I capable of eating dessert sparingly without obsessing, overeating, or getting re-addicted to it? -And what about my very small budget right now? -What are the best foods for me to eat in this situation, balancing wholesomeness and price? -Am I just hopeless?

Yes, all these questions and more are constantly running through my mind and causing me a great deal of anxiety. Just a week ago I said I felt "at peace" with my diet. Now I'm questioning everything and I'm not exactly sure what is causing it. All I can do is follow this experiment that I know my "higher self" brought me because I was filled with such an awe as the awareness of my food addiction swept over me. I can't ignore that.

But these questions are annoying me. There is nothing I can do about them now. My "higher self" knows all the answers deep down anyway, I'm sure. It's my mind that does all the contradicting. And who can know what the future will bring? If you live in the now, at peace with the moment, all will be as is meant to be.

I realized this as I was waiting for my bus this morning, just sick and tired of all the questions, all the skepticism, all the contemplating and debating. I stopped the questions and told my mind to be quiet. Only then did I find peace. And answers...

Based on how I've felt, I know there is something wrong with my relationship to food. No matter how nourishing and delicious the food is and how happy it makes me feel, I feel like crap when I overeat, mentally if not physically as well. I want freedom. This is what I have to work with, this is what I intuitively knew would be the first step; removing the addictive foods from my diet, and moving on from there. Take it one day at a time. Live in the now. Write. Learn. Progress. Go with the flow.

And I also realize it's the same with other areas of my life. I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do with my future; go to school, start my own business, concentrate on career. But have I ever mentioned in this blog that I'm writing a book? It's a fantasy novel/possible first in a trilogy that I've been working on for a few years. A few months ago, I decided to undertake a final and complete re-write. It was going so well. I had my own email reading group and I was getting a lot of good feedback. When the stresses of the holidays, my promotion at work, and my new ideas to further my education or career direction, I nearly completely stopped. My focus switched. Yes, my ideas and ambitions are awesome and I'm so excited to start working on them but I really need to focus on one thing at a time. Step One: finish my book. No excuses. Write down my goals, keep them in mind, ask the universe for guidance in achieving them, then let them go. My book is what I have NOW. If I'm meant to follow a different path, then the way will be given when it is time. There is no point stressing and questioning my future when I already have one possibility in the works. I DO want to be a writer. I LOVE writing as much as I love nutrition. I am just as passionate about my books as I am about my vision of helping others with their health and diets. I CAN do both; I can do it all; I can have, be, and do anything. But let's work on one at a time, shall we? Determination is nothing without focus.

And about my budget...yeah, it kinda sucks right now. While I got promoted and received a raise, I'm working a significantly lower amount of hours which means my tips AND paychecks are less. My budget for groceries is embarrassingly small. About $30 this week, unless my paycheck this Friday allows me a little extra, but I'm not so sure about that. But there's nothing I can do about it until I get more hours, find a better paying job, or sell my car. So in the meantime, all I can do is buy the healthiest, highest quality foods I can afford, as much raw produce as I can afford, and whatever else I can afford that will nourish and satisfy me best without contributing to my food addictions. And this will be good for my experiment. People are always saying that eating healthy is too expensive. So I will do my best to prove them wrong and eat a mostly raw diet and include the highest quality cooked foods like steamed veggies, sweet potatoes, and maybe beans and tofu (both very affordable, although not perfectly ideal-but hey, I'm here to do MY best!) I'll record all the money I spend on food, record my results, and share them.

-Experiment Experience Summary: Fighting the detox against sweets, too many questions in my mind, but I'm finding clarity. Go with the flow. Be the best that I can be for ME in my situation with my needs.
-Groceries Spent this week: appx. $28 combined with a few staples I already have (brown rice, etc.)