I just accepted a job as a sign artist at the Issaquah Trader Joe's! I'm excited to be working in an environment where I will feel better suited. While Starbucks reintroduced me to the world of retail work, gave me excellent experience as a supervisor, and great references, I did not feel like it was a perfect match. I don't drink coffee, I am disturbed by the large number of coffee addicts who spend way too much on their drug, I think the pastries are unhealthy and cringe when people ask "which one is healthiest?", and I have to wear long sleeved shirts year round to cover my tattoos.
At Trader Joes, I'll be working around natural foods and will actually put my discount to use, considering the majority of my money is spent on groceries. I'll be able to dress casually AND wear short sleeve shirts because they allow tattoos! I'll have a regular, set schedule each week. I'll be working every weekend, however, but I will always be off by 2pm, so I can still enjoy my day. I'm excited to start my new job on the 15th!
In other news, I purchased "Detox for Women" by Natalia Rose recently, and have decided to embark on a one month detox according to her plan. I am a big fan of her previous books, and think that this one is her best yet. The plan is pretty easy, and not as strict as one would think. Usually the term "detox" or "cleanse" make people shiver with fright. But her plan is simple. I'll be drinking a lot of fresh veggie juice (in the morning) and eating LOTS of big salads with avocado, lots of cooked and raw veggies, baked sweet potatoes, quinoa and millet, and raw goat cheese. (Yes, I am still eating cheese. As I won't be eating soy cheese during this time, I don't think this program would appeal to me if I couldn't have something cheese-like.)
Anyhow, I recommend this book to any woman who just feels like crap about her body or feels like she has some extra weight to lose and isn't appalled by the idea of streamlining her current way of eating to a simpler, pure, whole foods diet. Her plan is workable for anyone, not just vegans or vegetarians. On her one month detox, she allows organic eggs, fish, and occasional chicken and very high quality meats for those who want them, in addition to raw goat cheddar (available at Whole Foods) and all raw and cooked veggies and vegetable juice. Grains and fruit are limited to a select few, since the object of this plan is to rid your body of yeasts and bacteria that grains and sugars feed (and are growing in pretty much EVERY non-cleansed woman's body) so you can easily shed excess weight and feel amazing. The last time I embarked on one of her plans (Raw Food Life Force Energy) I lost 5 pounds the first couple weeks, ten pounds total...and that was WHILE deviating frequently from the plan! I DO plan on sticking this one out to the best of my ability for the entire month.
I also finally ordered internet at my apartment along with VERY basic cable, so I'll be able to go online more often and catch up on LOST and report my progress with the detox! We don't get it installed till next week though.
That's all for now!
Showing posts with label Detox.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Detox.. Show all posts
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Day Six, Skinny Bitch
I'm on Day 6 and I'm feeling awesome. Things really started to turn around for me after Day 3. I had really bad dessert cravings after dinner on Day 3. I just kept thinking about dates, goji berries, and Raw-zins (raw version of raisin-ettes) but I knew I was full and satisfied and realized it was just my addiction talking. On Day 4, I felt thinner and no longer bloated. Toward the afternoon I realized I was in an awesome mood and had great energy. I was feeling positive about life and started using affirmations again like I used to. I affirmed having the perfect body, earning an abundant income. I also re-read Skinny Bitch, the book that got me to fall in love with being vegan, but more on that later. And my days just keep getting better and better. I'm loosing weight again. I'm feeling in control. Here's a summary of the past couple days:
Day 4: 116.5 lbs
-Big glass of mango, banana, and kale smoothie (9:10am). -2 carrots (4pm) -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, avocado, cucumber, tomato, garlic, onion, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and herbs/spices (YUM!) served with blanched asparagus and leftover brown rice
Day 5: 115 lbs
-Pear (11:45am). -2 carrots (3:45pm). -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, olives, garlic, red onion, cucumber, tomato, vinegar, and seasonings (not as good with these olives; Olives of Love from PCC are THE BEST! also, kale tastes better to me with avocado, not so much with olives) served with blanched broccoli and one cup whole wheat noodles tossed with garlic + seasonings, tomato, and olives.
-Groceries purchased: Romaine lettuce @QFC, avocado, 2 heads broccoli, 2 small containers fresh olives, 2 roma tomatoes, garlic, cucumber. $19
Day 6 (today): 114.5 lbs
-felt hungry upon waking so I had lemon cayenne water (9:30am). -Still hungry; grapefruit (10am) -Later I will probably have a banana, then 2 carrots at work on break, and then when I get home I will have leftover pasta, more broccoli, and an olive/veggie salad with romaine
So it seems to me that it only takes 5 days to turn my eating habits around. While I wouldn't exactly say that I'm completely free from food addictions and ready to bring back dessert and sweets, I do feel that I am in control. I do feel that I am close to being able to eat whatever I desire WITHOUT overeating or "needing" to eat certain vices over and over again. I'm close to freedom.
And now that my mind is quiet and no longer badgering me with questions, I have discovered many answers that I was seeking. To state a few of these answers: I AM capable of making proper food choices, I AM able to lose weight without eating 100% raw, I CAN eat balanced if I do eat 100% raw, I DON'T NEED to cut out grains, unless I choose to in the future. While I still don't know where exactly this experiment will lead or what my daily eating will look like 2 weeks or 2 months from now, I know this feels good NOW. This is helping me NOW. I can do this NOW. I have freedom from addictions NOW.
-Experiment Experience Summary: Now that I'm over the first 3 days of the detox, I'm feeling wonderful. I am full of life and positive energy. I am positive that I can make the best choices about my body, my diet, and my life. All good things are coming to me!
-Groceries Spent this week (Day 1 - Day 7): appx. $47 (already had whole wheat pasta at home)
Now on to Skinny Bitch (by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin). This is the book I found when I was under terrible stress about my diet and in great need for guidance (I wrote about that it in one of my first blogs.) This book was entertaining, straightforward, and easy for me to understand with their hilarious "attitude" and ways of explaining things. It was a great introduction to facts about nutrition, getting healthy in order to get skinny, eating whole grains and whole, "healthier" forms of sugar, reading labels on all foods in order to determine their quality, and how a vegan diet can promote health and weight loss. It was also an eye-opening look into the world of cruelty to animals used for the food and dairy industries.
I was a little nervous to become vegan, but this book showed me so many vegan foods that were fun and similar to non-vegan foods like mock meats and soy cheese. I bought a few vegan cookbooks and in no time, being vegan was second nature.
But after a while, I realized my weight wasn't budging. I was eating a surplus of delicious, heavy, hearty, AMAZING tasting foods and not GAINING any weight, but I really wanted to LOSE weight. I wanted to be at my perfect weight. I won't go into further detail because I already did so in my earlier blogs, but basically, my desire for pure food brought me to reading Natalia Rose's books and eating raw again. After this, I felt a little mislead by Skinny Bitch. Even though it did head me down the right path and brought me to a better, healthier diet than the one I had before, I just wasn't at my best.
Well, after eating my delicious-yet-overeaten meal at Squid and Ink and being overwhelmed with questions and contemplations, I had the sudden urge to read Skinny Bitch again. The first thing that happened upon this (third) re-read is that I fell in love with being vegan all over again. I remembered all the reasons why I went vegan in the first place. Second, I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed the first two times I read it.
Initially upon reading the book the first time, I was filled with excitement, discovering all the foods and desserts I could make vegan: French toast, veggie burgers, pastas, mac n cheese, brownies, cookies, cupcakes. My focus was baking and creating amazing comfort food meals. I completely overlooked the fact that, while these meals are semi healthy compared to S.A.D food, they should never be eaten in excess and need to be balanced with fresh fruits, vegetables, and greens, EVERY DAY.
And reading it this last time, I realize that they actually say that! They warn against overeating, tell you to eat ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED, eat fruit for breakfast and raw veggies/salad for lunch for optimal results, don't binge, balance your meals, eat appropriate servings. It's all there, I just chose to ignore it.
My main complaint is that they didn't repeat these warnings enough or in a way that can get through thick, addictive skulls like mine. I wonder how many other girls read the book and ended up like me; vegan but overeating and obsessed with desserts. (For all I know it's just me, haha.) Another thing is that the menu plans at the end of the book don't cater to the "fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch" rule. They do state that it is optimal to do so but I do wish they would have included a menu of an ideal eating day for those who have finally finished transitioning from S.A.D. to vegan and want to eat even better. But I also understand that they were targeting a different audience, a beginner audience. People exactly like who I used to be, thinking I "could never go vegan because I would miss cheese and pasta." But unless you re-read it and pay close attention to the ways in which they encourage you to improve your diet, it's hard to move past the transition stage of being vegan. In fact, I knew in the back of my mind that I could be eating lighter and healthier (I knew those molasses cookies were full of refined sugar and flour) I just plain didn't want to. I loved my comfort food and I often chose eating in abundance over losing weight.
So basically, I love this book again because I now fully understand the motive behind Skinny Bitch and how to look at it from different stages. First, as a newbie to the wide, exciting world of vegan food. Second, reading it again to keep myself on track (which didn't last long). And third, reading it from a viewpoint of trying to make the best food choices for myself, overcoming overeating, and remembering the beauty and benefits of a vegan diet.
I recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their diet, especially if you are coming from a hearty diet full of refined flour, refined sugar, meat, and dairy. It makes transitioning to a vegan diet easy and fun. There are so many meals you can make vegan. I've found that almost ANY meal can be veganized. But for those of you who want to lose weight: make sure you keep in mind the suggestions to eat ONLY fresh fruit/fresh juice for breakfast, raw veggies/salad for lunch, and a balanced dinner WHEN YOU ARE READY. This would be a good time to read Raw Food Life Force Energy by Natalia Rose. But another warning: if you do go from being a happy, satisfied vegan to reading RFLFE, don't feel like you need to or should change your diet to include fish or raw goat cheese. There's a reason you went vegan. Unless you are unsatisfied, just stick with it. I'm glad I tried raw goat cheese because I got to make a decision for myself. And while I do believe that it digests beautifully and much easier than nut cheeses and soy cheese, I think I'm ready to say I won't be eating it again. I like not eating dairy. I don't need it.
Happy Saturday everyone (I have to work tonight but then I'll be off to enjoy my night)!!!
Day 4: 116.5 lbs
-Big glass of mango, banana, and kale smoothie (9:10am). -2 carrots (4pm) -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, avocado, cucumber, tomato, garlic, onion, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and herbs/spices (YUM!) served with blanched asparagus and leftover brown rice
Day 5: 115 lbs
-Pear (11:45am). -2 carrots (3:45pm). -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, olives, garlic, red onion, cucumber, tomato, vinegar, and seasonings (not as good with these olives; Olives of Love from PCC are THE BEST! also, kale tastes better to me with avocado, not so much with olives) served with blanched broccoli and one cup whole wheat noodles tossed with garlic + seasonings, tomato, and olives.
-Groceries purchased: Romaine lettuce @QFC, avocado, 2 heads broccoli, 2 small containers fresh olives, 2 roma tomatoes, garlic, cucumber. $19
Day 6 (today): 114.5 lbs
-felt hungry upon waking so I had lemon cayenne water (9:30am). -Still hungry; grapefruit (10am) -Later I will probably have a banana, then 2 carrots at work on break, and then when I get home I will have leftover pasta, more broccoli, and an olive/veggie salad with romaine
So it seems to me that it only takes 5 days to turn my eating habits around. While I wouldn't exactly say that I'm completely free from food addictions and ready to bring back dessert and sweets, I do feel that I am in control. I do feel that I am close to being able to eat whatever I desire WITHOUT overeating or "needing" to eat certain vices over and over again. I'm close to freedom.
And now that my mind is quiet and no longer badgering me with questions, I have discovered many answers that I was seeking. To state a few of these answers: I AM capable of making proper food choices, I AM able to lose weight without eating 100% raw, I CAN eat balanced if I do eat 100% raw, I DON'T NEED to cut out grains, unless I choose to in the future. While I still don't know where exactly this experiment will lead or what my daily eating will look like 2 weeks or 2 months from now, I know this feels good NOW. This is helping me NOW. I can do this NOW. I have freedom from addictions NOW.
-Experiment Experience Summary: Now that I'm over the first 3 days of the detox, I'm feeling wonderful. I am full of life and positive energy. I am positive that I can make the best choices about my body, my diet, and my life. All good things are coming to me!
-Groceries Spent this week (Day 1 - Day 7): appx. $47 (already had whole wheat pasta at home)
Now on to Skinny Bitch (by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin). This is the book I found when I was under terrible stress about my diet and in great need for guidance (I wrote about that it in one of my first blogs.) This book was entertaining, straightforward, and easy for me to understand with their hilarious "attitude" and ways of explaining things. It was a great introduction to facts about nutrition, getting healthy in order to get skinny, eating whole grains and whole, "healthier" forms of sugar, reading labels on all foods in order to determine their quality, and how a vegan diet can promote health and weight loss. It was also an eye-opening look into the world of cruelty to animals used for the food and dairy industries.
I was a little nervous to become vegan, but this book showed me so many vegan foods that were fun and similar to non-vegan foods like mock meats and soy cheese. I bought a few vegan cookbooks and in no time, being vegan was second nature.
But after a while, I realized my weight wasn't budging. I was eating a surplus of delicious, heavy, hearty, AMAZING tasting foods and not GAINING any weight, but I really wanted to LOSE weight. I wanted to be at my perfect weight. I won't go into further detail because I already did so in my earlier blogs, but basically, my desire for pure food brought me to reading Natalia Rose's books and eating raw again. After this, I felt a little mislead by Skinny Bitch. Even though it did head me down the right path and brought me to a better, healthier diet than the one I had before, I just wasn't at my best.
Well, after eating my delicious-yet-overeaten meal at Squid and Ink and being overwhelmed with questions and contemplations, I had the sudden urge to read Skinny Bitch again. The first thing that happened upon this (third) re-read is that I fell in love with being vegan all over again. I remembered all the reasons why I went vegan in the first place. Second, I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed the first two times I read it.
Initially upon reading the book the first time, I was filled with excitement, discovering all the foods and desserts I could make vegan: French toast, veggie burgers, pastas, mac n cheese, brownies, cookies, cupcakes. My focus was baking and creating amazing comfort food meals. I completely overlooked the fact that, while these meals are semi healthy compared to S.A.D food, they should never be eaten in excess and need to be balanced with fresh fruits, vegetables, and greens, EVERY DAY.
And reading it this last time, I realize that they actually say that! They warn against overeating, tell you to eat ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED, eat fruit for breakfast and raw veggies/salad for lunch for optimal results, don't binge, balance your meals, eat appropriate servings. It's all there, I just chose to ignore it.
My main complaint is that they didn't repeat these warnings enough or in a way that can get through thick, addictive skulls like mine. I wonder how many other girls read the book and ended up like me; vegan but overeating and obsessed with desserts. (For all I know it's just me, haha.) Another thing is that the menu plans at the end of the book don't cater to the "fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch" rule. They do state that it is optimal to do so but I do wish they would have included a menu of an ideal eating day for those who have finally finished transitioning from S.A.D. to vegan and want to eat even better. But I also understand that they were targeting a different audience, a beginner audience. People exactly like who I used to be, thinking I "could never go vegan because I would miss cheese and pasta." But unless you re-read it and pay close attention to the ways in which they encourage you to improve your diet, it's hard to move past the transition stage of being vegan. In fact, I knew in the back of my mind that I could be eating lighter and healthier (I knew those molasses cookies were full of refined sugar and flour) I just plain didn't want to. I loved my comfort food and I often chose eating in abundance over losing weight.
So basically, I love this book again because I now fully understand the motive behind Skinny Bitch and how to look at it from different stages. First, as a newbie to the wide, exciting world of vegan food. Second, reading it again to keep myself on track (which didn't last long). And third, reading it from a viewpoint of trying to make the best food choices for myself, overcoming overeating, and remembering the beauty and benefits of a vegan diet.
I recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their diet, especially if you are coming from a hearty diet full of refined flour, refined sugar, meat, and dairy. It makes transitioning to a vegan diet easy and fun. There are so many meals you can make vegan. I've found that almost ANY meal can be veganized. But for those of you who want to lose weight: make sure you keep in mind the suggestions to eat ONLY fresh fruit/fresh juice for breakfast, raw veggies/salad for lunch, and a balanced dinner WHEN YOU ARE READY. This would be a good time to read Raw Food Life Force Energy by Natalia Rose. But another warning: if you do go from being a happy, satisfied vegan to reading RFLFE, don't feel like you need to or should change your diet to include fish or raw goat cheese. There's a reason you went vegan. Unless you are unsatisfied, just stick with it. I'm glad I tried raw goat cheese because I got to make a decision for myself. And while I do believe that it digests beautifully and much easier than nut cheeses and soy cheese, I think I'm ready to say I won't be eating it again. I like not eating dairy. I don't need it.
Happy Saturday everyone (I have to work tonight but then I'll be off to enjoy my night)!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Addiction Free Diet Experiment Update
I am on day 3 of my self-named Addiction Free Diet Experiment. I definitely haven't been over-eating, but I can't say I specifically feel noticeably better. I'm feeling pretty happy and at peace right now, but there have been times during the past three days where I'm a little moody, low on energy, slightly depressed, and full of annoying, unanswerable questions. Today, I also feel a little bloated. Looking at these things as if I were detoxing from an alcohol or drug addiction, this is exactly what should be happening, considering I've cut out some very addictive substances out of my diet.
I haven't had sugar or sweets besides fruit for three days, yet my mind is craving dessert, showing me pictures of cupcakes and candy, leading me to linger in the vegan cookbook section when I really wanted to look in the health section. And I haven't been snacking on whatever I want. I haven't been eating tons of cheesy nut pates or rich sauces. So what have I been eating?
Day 1: Weight 116.5 lbs (pretty normal for the week)
-Green Juice (11am). -Pear (11:30 am). -2 carrots (4pm) -All raw veggie salad with balsamic vinegar with stir fried zucchini, onion, garlic, and red bell pepper and brown rice leftovers (small plate) (8pm) -still hungry so ate 1 1/2 slice of sprouted wheat bread
Day 2: 117.5 lbs
-Green Juice (9am) -green apple (12noon) -Avocado (3pm) -Romaine salad with my favorite "Olives of Love" garlicky seasoned olives from PCC Natural Market and tomatoes and cucumber with blanched asparagus and a baked sweet potato.
-Groceries purchased: olives, asparagus, orange, tomato (can't remember what else) appx. $12 @PCC
Day 3 (today): 117 lbs
-Apple (10am) -Orange (12:30pm) -For dinner I will have a salad with avocado, tomato, cucumber, onion, and garlic with a small serving of brown rice and blanched asparagus.
-Groceries purchased: pear, bananas, kale, salad greens, 2 tomatoes, 2 avocados, red onion, grapefruit, $16 @Pike Place Market
And so far, these are "The Principles;" the guidelines of the diet:
-The first and most important is CUT OUT ALL ADDICTIVE FOODS (I explained those and listed them in my last blog). This is the heart of this experiment. Get myself away from being obsessed with foods that trigger binging, overeating, and guilt.
-Do NOT eat until hungry
-Do drink green juice every day (a goal; I don't expect to accomplish this strictly every day because of my budget)
-EAT RAW TILL DINNER and dinner must be at LEAST half raw. This will usually be a giant raw salad.
-Eat LIGHT TO HEAVY. Start with green juice in the morning (if having) then fruit when first hungry, then raw vegetables later in the day, and then cooked veggies/grains (if having) during dinner only
-EXERCISE every day. A minimum of a comfortable amount of sun salutes ever day. Other forms: walk, jog, yoga, treadmill, wii fit games, etc.)
-EAT ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED
-BUY ORGANIC as much as possible
-BODY BRUSH every day to promote the removal of waste and toxins
It's too early to say much else about my experiment, but this is what I have done so far. I still don't know where this will lead, what shape this diet will take, or what to do once I feel that my "detox" is done. For the sake of getting these questions out of my mind, here's what I've been asking myself for the past three days:
-Am I not eating enough raw food now? -Should I be aiming for an all-raw diet? -Is it possible to eat more raw without hurting my budget? -Should I cut out grains? -Is it ok to include lentils in my few cooked meals? -What about tofu? -Do I want to go back to being strictly vegan and cut out raw goat cheese? -Should I be following one diet/person/book? -Does any one person/book have all the true answers? -Can I include some vegan comfort food dishes in my future? -Can't I just be a little bit of whatever I want to be as long as I am balanced and peaceful with my choices? -Should I read all the nutrition/raw/vegan books I love all over again to give me more direct guidance or should I let go and just let my body/intuition lead me? -Am I capable of making the best choices for my health, body, and diet? -Is being 100% raw the only way I can lose weight? -Do I want to be 100% raw? -Am I just looking for a label (vegan, raw, etc)? -How will I know when my "detox" from my addictive foods is over? -What should I include in my diet after it is over? -Should I stay away from all sweets forever? -Am I capable of eating dessert sparingly without obsessing, overeating, or getting re-addicted to it? -And what about my very small budget right now? -What are the best foods for me to eat in this situation, balancing wholesomeness and price? -Am I just hopeless?
Yes, all these questions and more are constantly running through my mind and causing me a great deal of anxiety. Just a week ago I said I felt "at peace" with my diet. Now I'm questioning everything and I'm not exactly sure what is causing it. All I can do is follow this experiment that I know my "higher self" brought me because I was filled with such an awe as the awareness of my food addiction swept over me. I can't ignore that.
But these questions are annoying me. There is nothing I can do about them now. My "higher self" knows all the answers deep down anyway, I'm sure. It's my mind that does all the contradicting. And who can know what the future will bring? If you live in the now, at peace with the moment, all will be as is meant to be.
I realized this as I was waiting for my bus this morning, just sick and tired of all the questions, all the skepticism, all the contemplating and debating. I stopped the questions and told my mind to be quiet. Only then did I find peace. And answers...
Based on how I've felt, I know there is something wrong with my relationship to food. No matter how nourishing and delicious the food is and how happy it makes me feel, I feel like crap when I overeat, mentally if not physically as well. I want freedom. This is what I have to work with, this is what I intuitively knew would be the first step; removing the addictive foods from my diet, and moving on from there. Take it one day at a time. Live in the now. Write. Learn. Progress. Go with the flow.
And I also realize it's the same with other areas of my life. I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do with my future; go to school, start my own business, concentrate on career. But have I ever mentioned in this blog that I'm writing a book? It's a fantasy novel/possible first in a trilogy that I've been working on for a few years. A few months ago, I decided to undertake a final and complete re-write. It was going so well. I had my own email reading group and I was getting a lot of good feedback. When the stresses of the holidays, my promotion at work, and my new ideas to further my education or career direction, I nearly completely stopped. My focus switched. Yes, my ideas and ambitions are awesome and I'm so excited to start working on them but I really need to focus on one thing at a time. Step One: finish my book. No excuses. Write down my goals, keep them in mind, ask the universe for guidance in achieving them, then let them go. My book is what I have NOW. If I'm meant to follow a different path, then the way will be given when it is time. There is no point stressing and questioning my future when I already have one possibility in the works. I DO want to be a writer. I LOVE writing as much as I love nutrition. I am just as passionate about my books as I am about my vision of helping others with their health and diets. I CAN do both; I can do it all; I can have, be, and do anything. But let's work on one at a time, shall we? Determination is nothing without focus.
And about my budget...yeah, it kinda sucks right now. While I got promoted and received a raise, I'm working a significantly lower amount of hours which means my tips AND paychecks are less. My budget for groceries is embarrassingly small. About $30 this week, unless my paycheck this Friday allows me a little extra, but I'm not so sure about that. But there's nothing I can do about it until I get more hours, find a better paying job, or sell my car. So in the meantime, all I can do is buy the healthiest, highest quality foods I can afford, as much raw produce as I can afford, and whatever else I can afford that will nourish and satisfy me best without contributing to my food addictions. And this will be good for my experiment. People are always saying that eating healthy is too expensive. So I will do my best to prove them wrong and eat a mostly raw diet and include the highest quality cooked foods like steamed veggies, sweet potatoes, and maybe beans and tofu (both very affordable, although not perfectly ideal-but hey, I'm here to do MY best!) I'll record all the money I spend on food, record my results, and share them.
-Experiment Experience Summary: Fighting the detox against sweets, too many questions in my mind, but I'm finding clarity. Go with the flow. Be the best that I can be for ME in my situation with my needs.
-Groceries Spent this week: appx. $28 combined with a few staples I already have (brown rice, etc.)
I haven't had sugar or sweets besides fruit for three days, yet my mind is craving dessert, showing me pictures of cupcakes and candy, leading me to linger in the vegan cookbook section when I really wanted to look in the health section. And I haven't been snacking on whatever I want. I haven't been eating tons of cheesy nut pates or rich sauces. So what have I been eating?
Day 1: Weight 116.5 lbs (pretty normal for the week)
-Green Juice (11am). -Pear (11:30 am). -2 carrots (4pm) -All raw veggie salad with balsamic vinegar with stir fried zucchini, onion, garlic, and red bell pepper and brown rice leftovers (small plate) (8pm) -still hungry so ate 1 1/2 slice of sprouted wheat bread
Day 2: 117.5 lbs
-Green Juice (9am) -green apple (12noon) -Avocado (3pm) -Romaine salad with my favorite "Olives of Love" garlicky seasoned olives from PCC Natural Market and tomatoes and cucumber with blanched asparagus and a baked sweet potato.
-Groceries purchased: olives, asparagus, orange, tomato (can't remember what else) appx. $12 @PCC
Day 3 (today): 117 lbs
-Apple (10am) -Orange (12:30pm) -For dinner I will have a salad with avocado, tomato, cucumber, onion, and garlic with a small serving of brown rice and blanched asparagus.
-Groceries purchased: pear, bananas, kale, salad greens, 2 tomatoes, 2 avocados, red onion, grapefruit, $16 @Pike Place Market
And so far, these are "The Principles;" the guidelines of the diet:
-The first and most important is CUT OUT ALL ADDICTIVE FOODS (I explained those and listed them in my last blog). This is the heart of this experiment. Get myself away from being obsessed with foods that trigger binging, overeating, and guilt.
-Do NOT eat until hungry
-Do drink green juice every day (a goal; I don't expect to accomplish this strictly every day because of my budget)
-EAT RAW TILL DINNER and dinner must be at LEAST half raw. This will usually be a giant raw salad.
-Eat LIGHT TO HEAVY. Start with green juice in the morning (if having) then fruit when first hungry, then raw vegetables later in the day, and then cooked veggies/grains (if having) during dinner only
-EXERCISE every day. A minimum of a comfortable amount of sun salutes ever day. Other forms: walk, jog, yoga, treadmill, wii fit games, etc.)
-EAT ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED
-BUY ORGANIC as much as possible
-BODY BRUSH every day to promote the removal of waste and toxins
It's too early to say much else about my experiment, but this is what I have done so far. I still don't know where this will lead, what shape this diet will take, or what to do once I feel that my "detox" is done. For the sake of getting these questions out of my mind, here's what I've been asking myself for the past three days:
-Am I not eating enough raw food now? -Should I be aiming for an all-raw diet? -Is it possible to eat more raw without hurting my budget? -Should I cut out grains? -Is it ok to include lentils in my few cooked meals? -What about tofu? -Do I want to go back to being strictly vegan and cut out raw goat cheese? -Should I be following one diet/person/book? -Does any one person/book have all the true answers? -Can I include some vegan comfort food dishes in my future? -Can't I just be a little bit of whatever I want to be as long as I am balanced and peaceful with my choices? -Should I read all the nutrition/raw/vegan books I love all over again to give me more direct guidance or should I let go and just let my body/intuition lead me? -Am I capable of making the best choices for my health, body, and diet? -Is being 100% raw the only way I can lose weight? -Do I want to be 100% raw? -Am I just looking for a label (vegan, raw, etc)? -How will I know when my "detox" from my addictive foods is over? -What should I include in my diet after it is over? -Should I stay away from all sweets forever? -Am I capable of eating dessert sparingly without obsessing, overeating, or getting re-addicted to it? -And what about my very small budget right now? -What are the best foods for me to eat in this situation, balancing wholesomeness and price? -Am I just hopeless?
Yes, all these questions and more are constantly running through my mind and causing me a great deal of anxiety. Just a week ago I said I felt "at peace" with my diet. Now I'm questioning everything and I'm not exactly sure what is causing it. All I can do is follow this experiment that I know my "higher self" brought me because I was filled with such an awe as the awareness of my food addiction swept over me. I can't ignore that.
But these questions are annoying me. There is nothing I can do about them now. My "higher self" knows all the answers deep down anyway, I'm sure. It's my mind that does all the contradicting. And who can know what the future will bring? If you live in the now, at peace with the moment, all will be as is meant to be.
I realized this as I was waiting for my bus this morning, just sick and tired of all the questions, all the skepticism, all the contemplating and debating. I stopped the questions and told my mind to be quiet. Only then did I find peace. And answers...
Based on how I've felt, I know there is something wrong with my relationship to food. No matter how nourishing and delicious the food is and how happy it makes me feel, I feel like crap when I overeat, mentally if not physically as well. I want freedom. This is what I have to work with, this is what I intuitively knew would be the first step; removing the addictive foods from my diet, and moving on from there. Take it one day at a time. Live in the now. Write. Learn. Progress. Go with the flow.
And I also realize it's the same with other areas of my life. I'm trying so hard to figure out what to do with my future; go to school, start my own business, concentrate on career. But have I ever mentioned in this blog that I'm writing a book? It's a fantasy novel/possible first in a trilogy that I've been working on for a few years. A few months ago, I decided to undertake a final and complete re-write. It was going so well. I had my own email reading group and I was getting a lot of good feedback. When the stresses of the holidays, my promotion at work, and my new ideas to further my education or career direction, I nearly completely stopped. My focus switched. Yes, my ideas and ambitions are awesome and I'm so excited to start working on them but I really need to focus on one thing at a time. Step One: finish my book. No excuses. Write down my goals, keep them in mind, ask the universe for guidance in achieving them, then let them go. My book is what I have NOW. If I'm meant to follow a different path, then the way will be given when it is time. There is no point stressing and questioning my future when I already have one possibility in the works. I DO want to be a writer. I LOVE writing as much as I love nutrition. I am just as passionate about my books as I am about my vision of helping others with their health and diets. I CAN do both; I can do it all; I can have, be, and do anything. But let's work on one at a time, shall we? Determination is nothing without focus.
And about my budget...yeah, it kinda sucks right now. While I got promoted and received a raise, I'm working a significantly lower amount of hours which means my tips AND paychecks are less. My budget for groceries is embarrassingly small. About $30 this week, unless my paycheck this Friday allows me a little extra, but I'm not so sure about that. But there's nothing I can do about it until I get more hours, find a better paying job, or sell my car. So in the meantime, all I can do is buy the healthiest, highest quality foods I can afford, as much raw produce as I can afford, and whatever else I can afford that will nourish and satisfy me best without contributing to my food addictions. And this will be good for my experiment. People are always saying that eating healthy is too expensive. So I will do my best to prove them wrong and eat a mostly raw diet and include the highest quality cooked foods like steamed veggies, sweet potatoes, and maybe beans and tofu (both very affordable, although not perfectly ideal-but hey, I'm here to do MY best!) I'll record all the money I spend on food, record my results, and share them.
-Experiment Experience Summary: Fighting the detox against sweets, too many questions in my mind, but I'm finding clarity. Go with the flow. Be the best that I can be for ME in my situation with my needs.
-Groceries Spent this week: appx. $28 combined with a few staples I already have (brown rice, etc.)
Monday, January 19, 2009
A New Twist On My Journey
So my vegan comfort meal at Squid and Ink went pretty well. I can't say that I'm exactly impressed with myself and the meal choices I made, but I felt good afterward and I ended up coming across some very powerful realizations as a result...but more on that later.
First, a recap of my meal: I met up with my vegan friend, Brandi (who now lives in Denver) and a few of our other friends at Squid and Ink. It was full of delicious smells and memories of fried, greasy, delicious, warm comfort food. I was torn between ordering something light and simple or ordering something heavy and tempting since my visits to Squid are few and far between. I committed to ordering salad as my side instead of fries, and then decided upon the fatty, heavy dish, Monte Cristo, which is a vegan ham and cheese sandwich grilled between two slices of fluffy french toast. It was so good! We also shared an order of biscuits and gravy and then some fries. I ended up eating my entire meal, plus digging into the shared plates and continued to eat even more still! I was surprised with my appetite and ability to eat WAY more than anyone else at the table. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in myself. While I still had room in my stomach for more, I knew I had had enough once my plate was empty. But I just kept eating. I wanted more. I wanted to taste those rare flavors over and over again.
For the rest of the day, I managed to stay away from eating until dinner, which consisted of an all raw veggie salad followed by a small bowl of seasoned nuts and about two Tbsp almond butter rolled in cocoa powder (that was my dessert tick going off.) But throughout the day, I kept thinking about all those vegan comfort food meals I used to enjoy on a regular basis, and I started missing them. I could almost hear the forces arguing within me. One would say, "Oh, but you love vegan junk food! It's so good! And look, you felt fine afterward. You should eat like this more often." And the other voice would remind me, "I could never lose weight when I ate like that every day. I felt like crap. I felt heavy. I love the direction in which my new body is going. I love eating raw. I love eating light. I love feeling good and full of life force engery."
As I was preparing for bed, I started writing in my journal about my day and about my experience at Squid and Ink, working out reasons for why I ate so much more than every body else. I started thinking about the foods that inspire binging. I thought about the foods I can eat easily without over eating.
And then a lightbulb went off and everything made sense: I'm addicted to certain foods and tastes. Just like alcohol.
In April 2007, I quit drinking. I realized my drinking was out of control. It wasn't that I was a traditional alcoholic in the usual sense. I didn't need to drink every day, I didn't drink when I was alone. But when I did drink, I couldn't stop. I would keep drinking far beyond my limit until I became a different person. And I just couldn't take it anymore. I hated the person I became when drunk. I hated the mornings where I would wake up with no idea how the previous night ended. I was hurting myself and my boyfriend, Brian. I tried moderation and control but all my good intentions about how I would have "just one beer" would quickly fly out the door once that one beer was consumed and I would wind up with a wild night and horrible hangover. While I've never done anything too crazy in comparison with other people I know, my behavior while drinking is too crazy for me. I have high standards for myself and my bahavior. I know I am capable of controlling my behavior; I've proven it by quitting drinking. While I still get occasional cravings and temptations, I have so far stayed true to my word.
Last night, I made the connection between my problems with alcohol and my obsessive over eating. I'm a binger. Certain foods trigger binging and overeating. I will eat large portions of these food and eat them until I am far beyond full. Or I will eat a small serving and then constantly think about getting seconds until I do.
I took the first step, and admitted my problem.
First; the worst; sweets. All forms of sweets and sugar trigger binging. If I make an entire batch of cookies, I can never eat just one. Ever. If I make an entire raw cake, I need to eat slice after slice until I'm nauseous and physically can't eat more. If I eat a few pieces of chocolate or a few raisins, a couple minutes later I'm back in the kitchen for the other half of the bar or for an entire bowl of raisins. This category includes all sugars, raw or not, refined or natural, all pastries, raw desserts, sweet dried fruits, raw honey, and chocolate.
Next is fats. All things heavy and fatty have triggered binging. Nuts, being the easiest of fats for me to overeat, are also the hardest to give up because they are so much a part of the raw diet. But I have already experienced overeating with nuts the first time I went raw, and have seen the dangers. There are a lot of raw foodists who base the majority of their diet around nuts, especially newbies; people who need a lot of desserts and "raw gourmet" dishes in order to feel satisfied. If they find success and balance while doing so, then wonderful. More power to them. But I know I need balance. It's hard for me to eat just a small portion of nuts, nut pate, or nut dessert. I look back to last week when I ate "Raw soft tacos" made with cashew cheese, walnut meat, and topped with salsa and wrapped in a collard green. I would eat two very full tacos and follow them by two slices of raw cheesecake. It is so upsetting to look back on this because I already know that's not balanced. I've already gotten a kidney infection. Yet I ate this way for multiple days in a row, even after I was feeling heavy and dense. One of my main obstacles is learning how to make only what I can eat without overeating. Many raw recipes make large batches and as I am the only one in my house eating them, I have to eat as much as I can for days in a row until it's all gone so I don't waste anything. But if I am ever to eat nut-heavy recipes again, I MUST find a way to eat appropriate servings and balance my week by alternating with cleansing meals after the heavy meals. Always. No excuses.
Other fatty foods that trigger binging are olives, coconut oil, oil-heavy sauces, anything deep fried, and cheese or anything "cheesey," especially in the form of melted cheese, cheese and starch combo, or cheesy sauces. This includes vegan cheese and nut cheese as well. The only cheese I'm not sure of is raw goat cheese. Since I eat it so rarely and only as a component to a raw salad or as a small topping to another veggie dish, I don't think it triggers binging. But if I do continue to eat raw goat cheese, I will keep an eye on my reactions.
And the last category is Carbs/Starches/Grains. I can easily eat too much rice, bread, crackers, pita, potatoes, and mock meats. The foods I'm unsure of is lentils/tofu. I don't think I have ever experienced binging on beans or tofu unless they are components of a burrito, and in that case I end up eating too many. And I know that soy is supposedly highly mucus forming and inharmonious, according to Natalia rose, but I have a feeling that soy in the simple form of tofu (like in a tofu-veggie scramble) would be fine on occasion. While I still want my diet to be mainly raw, I also want to include the occasional cooked side dish.
Now onto the list of things I can eat safely without binging. This includes all raw vegetables, all greens, most fruits (as long as I only eat one at a time during the day and never for dessert), avacados, and cooked non-starch veggies. Foods I know I can handle with the proper awareness and portion control are sweet potatoes (only if I bake one at a time without sugar), brown rice (one cup allowance), sprouted grain bread (one or two slices at the most), raw goat cheese (not melted or combined with starches of any kind like crackers or tortillas), olives (just a few here and there on a salad), and goji berries (pre-measured as a snack.)
So this left me with a lot of questions. Questions about myself, about my eating patterns. About what I've read in my favorite books and what I've been told. I realize that there are a few things I agree with and a few things I don't, based on MY OWN experiences for MY SELF. I agree that raw food in the form of fruits and veggies are highly life enhancing and the best for the body. I do NOT agree that you can eat as much raw food in the form of nuts and seeds and oils in any combination and in any amount. I believe you CAN include nuts, seeds, and oils in a diet but only if your portions are balanced and kept lower in proportion to your amount of fresh, raw greens and veggies in the meal. I believe that you can enjoy dessert in healthier forms but I DO NOT agree that you can eat as much dessert as you want, guilt free, in any form raw or not. All desserts and sweets should be eaten with awareness and balance and not become routine. If you are like me, and you obesessively need to eat dessert every night after dinner, then you should abstain from dessert at least until you no longer feel you need it. Because, being honest, you don't. It's fun and delicious and a wonderful treat, but if it is making you feel like crap or you are obsessing over sweets, or you are eating more than you know is necessary, than it is harming your mentality and in turn, your life force engergy.
So where does this leave me now? Well, I thought about moderation. I could cut back on nuts, eat dessert only a few days here and there. But has that ever worked with other addictive substances? Did moderation work for me when I was an obsessive over-drinker? No. The only thing that has ever helped me overcome an addiction is to give it up completely. So that's what I'm doing.
I'm undertaking a new experiement. I'm designing my OWN diet, based on common sense about my own needs. My first step is to rid my body of these addictive foods. All of them. It will be my initial detox. While I can't imagine abstaining from nuts and dessert forever, I'm thinking I will "detox" for at least two weeks, but I am aiming for 21 days, maybe even one month. As this is my own experiement, I will take it day by day, keep note of how I feel, and adjust as neccesary. If I no longer crave dessert after two weeks, then I'll know I'm ready to include some sweets like dried fruits or a piece of chocolate. Or maybe once I'm free from my dessert obsession, I'll want to stay away for even longer. I KNOW abstaining from dessert and gaining freedom in this way will help because I've done it before. I remember when I went to Europe, I felt the best on the days when I didn't eat sweets. Most of the time, I didn't even have access to any vegan sweets to begin with. It wasn't until I got home and got back into baking when I starting eating desserts compulsively again.
So I am excited about this new path in my journey. I don't know how it will go in the long run. Maybe, just maybe, I've discovered something extraordinary for myself. Today is day one of the Addiction Free Diet.
Let's see how it goes!
First, a recap of my meal: I met up with my vegan friend, Brandi (who now lives in Denver) and a few of our other friends at Squid and Ink. It was full of delicious smells and memories of fried, greasy, delicious, warm comfort food. I was torn between ordering something light and simple or ordering something heavy and tempting since my visits to Squid are few and far between. I committed to ordering salad as my side instead of fries, and then decided upon the fatty, heavy dish, Monte Cristo, which is a vegan ham and cheese sandwich grilled between two slices of fluffy french toast. It was so good! We also shared an order of biscuits and gravy and then some fries. I ended up eating my entire meal, plus digging into the shared plates and continued to eat even more still! I was surprised with my appetite and ability to eat WAY more than anyone else at the table. I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in myself. While I still had room in my stomach for more, I knew I had had enough once my plate was empty. But I just kept eating. I wanted more. I wanted to taste those rare flavors over and over again.
For the rest of the day, I managed to stay away from eating until dinner, which consisted of an all raw veggie salad followed by a small bowl of seasoned nuts and about two Tbsp almond butter rolled in cocoa powder (that was my dessert tick going off.) But throughout the day, I kept thinking about all those vegan comfort food meals I used to enjoy on a regular basis, and I started missing them. I could almost hear the forces arguing within me. One would say, "Oh, but you love vegan junk food! It's so good! And look, you felt fine afterward. You should eat like this more often." And the other voice would remind me, "I could never lose weight when I ate like that every day. I felt like crap. I felt heavy. I love the direction in which my new body is going. I love eating raw. I love eating light. I love feeling good and full of life force engery."
As I was preparing for bed, I started writing in my journal about my day and about my experience at Squid and Ink, working out reasons for why I ate so much more than every body else. I started thinking about the foods that inspire binging. I thought about the foods I can eat easily without over eating.
And then a lightbulb went off and everything made sense: I'm addicted to certain foods and tastes. Just like alcohol.
In April 2007, I quit drinking. I realized my drinking was out of control. It wasn't that I was a traditional alcoholic in the usual sense. I didn't need to drink every day, I didn't drink when I was alone. But when I did drink, I couldn't stop. I would keep drinking far beyond my limit until I became a different person. And I just couldn't take it anymore. I hated the person I became when drunk. I hated the mornings where I would wake up with no idea how the previous night ended. I was hurting myself and my boyfriend, Brian. I tried moderation and control but all my good intentions about how I would have "just one beer" would quickly fly out the door once that one beer was consumed and I would wind up with a wild night and horrible hangover. While I've never done anything too crazy in comparison with other people I know, my behavior while drinking is too crazy for me. I have high standards for myself and my bahavior. I know I am capable of controlling my behavior; I've proven it by quitting drinking. While I still get occasional cravings and temptations, I have so far stayed true to my word.
Last night, I made the connection between my problems with alcohol and my obsessive over eating. I'm a binger. Certain foods trigger binging and overeating. I will eat large portions of these food and eat them until I am far beyond full. Or I will eat a small serving and then constantly think about getting seconds until I do.
I took the first step, and admitted my problem.
First; the worst; sweets. All forms of sweets and sugar trigger binging. If I make an entire batch of cookies, I can never eat just one. Ever. If I make an entire raw cake, I need to eat slice after slice until I'm nauseous and physically can't eat more. If I eat a few pieces of chocolate or a few raisins, a couple minutes later I'm back in the kitchen for the other half of the bar or for an entire bowl of raisins. This category includes all sugars, raw or not, refined or natural, all pastries, raw desserts, sweet dried fruits, raw honey, and chocolate.
Next is fats. All things heavy and fatty have triggered binging. Nuts, being the easiest of fats for me to overeat, are also the hardest to give up because they are so much a part of the raw diet. But I have already experienced overeating with nuts the first time I went raw, and have seen the dangers. There are a lot of raw foodists who base the majority of their diet around nuts, especially newbies; people who need a lot of desserts and "raw gourmet" dishes in order to feel satisfied. If they find success and balance while doing so, then wonderful. More power to them. But I know I need balance. It's hard for me to eat just a small portion of nuts, nut pate, or nut dessert. I look back to last week when I ate "Raw soft tacos" made with cashew cheese, walnut meat, and topped with salsa and wrapped in a collard green. I would eat two very full tacos and follow them by two slices of raw cheesecake. It is so upsetting to look back on this because I already know that's not balanced. I've already gotten a kidney infection. Yet I ate this way for multiple days in a row, even after I was feeling heavy and dense. One of my main obstacles is learning how to make only what I can eat without overeating. Many raw recipes make large batches and as I am the only one in my house eating them, I have to eat as much as I can for days in a row until it's all gone so I don't waste anything. But if I am ever to eat nut-heavy recipes again, I MUST find a way to eat appropriate servings and balance my week by alternating with cleansing meals after the heavy meals. Always. No excuses.
Other fatty foods that trigger binging are olives, coconut oil, oil-heavy sauces, anything deep fried, and cheese or anything "cheesey," especially in the form of melted cheese, cheese and starch combo, or cheesy sauces. This includes vegan cheese and nut cheese as well. The only cheese I'm not sure of is raw goat cheese. Since I eat it so rarely and only as a component to a raw salad or as a small topping to another veggie dish, I don't think it triggers binging. But if I do continue to eat raw goat cheese, I will keep an eye on my reactions.
And the last category is Carbs/Starches/Grains. I can easily eat too much rice, bread, crackers, pita, potatoes, and mock meats. The foods I'm unsure of is lentils/tofu. I don't think I have ever experienced binging on beans or tofu unless they are components of a burrito, and in that case I end up eating too many. And I know that soy is supposedly highly mucus forming and inharmonious, according to Natalia rose, but I have a feeling that soy in the simple form of tofu (like in a tofu-veggie scramble) would be fine on occasion. While I still want my diet to be mainly raw, I also want to include the occasional cooked side dish.
Now onto the list of things I can eat safely without binging. This includes all raw vegetables, all greens, most fruits (as long as I only eat one at a time during the day and never for dessert), avacados, and cooked non-starch veggies. Foods I know I can handle with the proper awareness and portion control are sweet potatoes (only if I bake one at a time without sugar), brown rice (one cup allowance), sprouted grain bread (one or two slices at the most), raw goat cheese (not melted or combined with starches of any kind like crackers or tortillas), olives (just a few here and there on a salad), and goji berries (pre-measured as a snack.)
So this left me with a lot of questions. Questions about myself, about my eating patterns. About what I've read in my favorite books and what I've been told. I realize that there are a few things I agree with and a few things I don't, based on MY OWN experiences for MY SELF. I agree that raw food in the form of fruits and veggies are highly life enhancing and the best for the body. I do NOT agree that you can eat as much raw food in the form of nuts and seeds and oils in any combination and in any amount. I believe you CAN include nuts, seeds, and oils in a diet but only if your portions are balanced and kept lower in proportion to your amount of fresh, raw greens and veggies in the meal. I believe that you can enjoy dessert in healthier forms but I DO NOT agree that you can eat as much dessert as you want, guilt free, in any form raw or not. All desserts and sweets should be eaten with awareness and balance and not become routine. If you are like me, and you obesessively need to eat dessert every night after dinner, then you should abstain from dessert at least until you no longer feel you need it. Because, being honest, you don't. It's fun and delicious and a wonderful treat, but if it is making you feel like crap or you are obsessing over sweets, or you are eating more than you know is necessary, than it is harming your mentality and in turn, your life force engergy.
So where does this leave me now? Well, I thought about moderation. I could cut back on nuts, eat dessert only a few days here and there. But has that ever worked with other addictive substances? Did moderation work for me when I was an obsessive over-drinker? No. The only thing that has ever helped me overcome an addiction is to give it up completely. So that's what I'm doing.
I'm undertaking a new experiement. I'm designing my OWN diet, based on common sense about my own needs. My first step is to rid my body of these addictive foods. All of them. It will be my initial detox. While I can't imagine abstaining from nuts and dessert forever, I'm thinking I will "detox" for at least two weeks, but I am aiming for 21 days, maybe even one month. As this is my own experiement, I will take it day by day, keep note of how I feel, and adjust as neccesary. If I no longer crave dessert after two weeks, then I'll know I'm ready to include some sweets like dried fruits or a piece of chocolate. Or maybe once I'm free from my dessert obsession, I'll want to stay away for even longer. I KNOW abstaining from dessert and gaining freedom in this way will help because I've done it before. I remember when I went to Europe, I felt the best on the days when I didn't eat sweets. Most of the time, I didn't even have access to any vegan sweets to begin with. It wasn't until I got home and got back into baking when I starting eating desserts compulsively again.
So I am excited about this new path in my journey. I don't know how it will go in the long run. Maybe, just maybe, I've discovered something extraordinary for myself. Today is day one of the Addiction Free Diet.
Let's see how it goes!
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