I want to be healthy again...I AM healthy NOW!

So yeah, my conflicting pull between eating super cheap and eating super healthy has been tough. Last week I got sick of salads and ate cereal for breakfast and a peanut butter jelly sandwiches for lunch...it totally reminded me that I'm not missing out on ANYTHING by eating fresh and healthy! And now for the past few days I've been sick...not TOO sick, just congested and tired. I'm sure my recent diet has had quite a bit to do with that! Also, I quit drinking Vega a few weeks ago, which I feel was helping me consume a good amount of vitamins, protein, etc. And my skin, hair, and nails looked perfect while I was drinking it daily! So I gave in and bought a 2 week supply (using half-servings) and am going to eat salads again (bored or not.) I am also curious to try eating Gluten-Free for a week and see if that improves my overall diet, health, and tummy (I've been bloated.) I haven't read up on the benefits of eating a gluten-free diet too much, but I stumbled upon the symptoms of gluten intolerance and figure it could probably benefit me, intolerant or not, to limit gluten intake. In fact, I think any diet could benefit from the limitations of any of the common allergens (soy, peanuts, gluten.) I'm not quite ready to give of soy (in the form of tofu) or peanut butter (I LOVE peanut butter), but I figure I'll start with gluten. There's just something about a gluten-free diet that has been calling to me...maybe it's the bloating that keeps happening after I eat cereal and peanut butter sandwiches! That could also be due to poor food combining, as well. Anyhow, my diet needs to go back to basics, include more raw, and less sweets. On a good note, I haven't been binging quite as much lately! I've been snacking on chips and had two servings of ice cream last night, but nothing too detrimental; no over-stressed self-loathing! And my weight obsession has cooled a bit. I think I'm going to boycott the scale for awhile, just to be safe!

Annoyed, Overwhelmed, Lost

So you should know that I am on a quest to find the best eating plan for myself. I am already a committed vegan...but I'm also trying to figure out how to further improve my diet, balancing nutrition, taste, and weight-loss/weight-management. I have to admit, I'm a little weight-obsessed, which doesn't go well with my binge eating problem.

Anyhow, I had success in January/February when I created my Addiction Free Diet experiment, which was my own diet plan based on many of the principles I had learned from Natalia Rose's books. But then I had a binge and all my good work went down the drain. I have since gained 5 of the 10 lbs back and I just don't understand what my problem is. The obvious solution would be to just dive back into my AFDE plan. But I re-read Rose's books and "tried" to implement her principles again, but it just hasn't worked this time. I've questioned whether my failure was due to the fact that my eating plan just wasn't something that I could commit to life-long. But the truth is, it would have lasted if I hadn't binged, or if I would have turned it all around the next day and refrained from the urges to binge and overeat that followed. The binge created a snowball effect which has stuck me in a rut that I just can't seem to get out of. I can't find the passion for the diet I used to love; eating light to heavy, raw till dinner, eating proper food combos. Am I just being lazy?

Well, since then I have analyzed my diet, tried a few new things. Nothing has felt great. I still binge. I still overeat. I ate a substantial breakfast all week last week (as recommended by the book "Crave" by Cynthia M. Bulik to overcome binge eating) and I didn't see it improve anything. And when I think about all the different diet advice everywhere, it makes my head spin. One guide says to eat a big breakfast, another says not to eat until truly ravenous. Another says to eat 4 to 6 small meals a day. Another says to strictly count calories. Another says there is no need to count calories. Another says to eat lots of fruit. Another says to limit fruit. It really makes me feel so lost!

Here's what I personally have to work with: I know eating more raw fruits and veggies is good for me and I find success eating fruit and salads daily; I do not currently have the desire to be 100% raw; I do not currently have the finances to eat much high-raw besides daily fruit and salads; eating less calories helps me lose weight; sweets and junk food make me feel bad physically and emotionally, but I do have the desire to continue to eat sweets, as long as they are not part of a binge and do not lead to unhealthy choices and negative feelings

So shit, what do I do? Do I continue on with this "eating breakfast hungry or not" kick? Or do I go back to "don't eat until hungry, eat raw till dinner, light to heavy, with fruit being the first meal?" Financially, I like the idea of eating a bowl of cereal every day instead of worrying about how much it's going to cost to buy enough fruit to keep me feeling satisfied. Then again, am I really spending much more to eat 1 or 2 pieces of fruit every day?

I know this doesn't do much, but I just felt like ranting. I know I am so full of questions and I just annoy myself with them. I am way to obsessed about what I eat, but I really want to do what is best for my body, my health, AND my finances! Why can't there be a magical solution? Why does there have to be SO MANY different contradicting diet plans out there?