Week One!!!! Updates

I am now on Day 10 of my Addiction Free Diet Experiment, but let's round off Week 1 first.

I left you off on Day 6, where I felt great and already seeing and feeling wonderful results. On Day 7, I had plans to hang out with my two friends, Robin and Leif. We were planning to go out to lunch and I was undecided about what to eat. While Leif will eat just about anything and Robin is used to me and my vegan ways AND enjoys vegan food in general, I felt like I'd be a party-pooper if I made us go somewhere just to get a side salad. So I deliberated for awhile; I was already feeling really good and felt in control so I kind of wanted to eat something tasty and fun without worrying about whether it followed my Addiction Free principles 100%. Then again, I told myself I would try this for at least two weeks. But I was in a calm, peaceful state, knowing that whatever happened, even if I went off the deep end, I could always pick myself back up again.

We ended up going to this delicious Pho restaurant on Broadway called Pho 99 and it turns out they have amazing vegan pho (the best veggie pho I've had) along with a small vegan section included on their menu. They even had fresh young coconut juice served right out of the coconut with a straw and spoon! So that's what Robin and I both ordered, while Leif tried the chicken pho for the first time. I felt really healthy, even though I ate my entire bowl and despite the fact that I was violating the following principles: Raw till dinner (it was a late lunch), no refined foods (I'm pretty sure the noodles are white rice as opposed to brown and I had my share of hot sauce and hoisin sauce), and eat only until satisfied (I could have stopped about 2/3 through my bowl). But since these are my own principles, and they were violated in a peaceful, joyous state, I didn't feel guilty or like a failure.

After our lunch, Robin and I hung out at my house. We were bored and I was feeling a little snacky (no matter how much pho I eat, I'm always hungry one or two hours later!), but not hungry enough for a full dinner. I was craving goji berries and Kombucha and thought it would be nice to just chill and have a fun little relaxing snack and watch a movie. As much as I love hanging out with my friends doing anything, I have to admit that I have the most fun when I'm EATING with friends (I know, that's not the best mentality or food-association for a recovering food addict, but it's true.) So that brought us to PCC. The first unexpected thing that happened is I stumbled upon Nana's cookies- these vegan, ultra healthy, no refined sugar (fruit juice sweetened), some gluten free, all whole grain cookies that I read about on the Skinny Bitch website. I was really excited to find them and, with a wee bit of giddy guilt, decided I would just enjoy a "fun day" where I would allow myself some healthy treats in celebration of being social and having fun with friends. But then it went a step too far when we decided to also make stove popped popcorn (I'd never made my own popcorn before and Robin was gonna show me how).

So we went back to my house, made a HUGE bowl of popcorn covered in salt, vegan butter, and nutritional yeast (VERY delicious), watched a movie, ate my cookie, drank my Kombucha, and then went to town devouring an entire CUP of goji berries. I actually felt perfect until I ate all those goji's. They definitely made for an improper food combination, and I SHOULD have pre-measured them into a very small serving. I just wasn't expecting to eat the entire 1 cup serving that I had bought. But my lesson was learned: even if I think I won't eat a large amount, I might...or more likely WILL...unless I pre-measure. Especially if I'm snacking while watching tv or a movie. Sheesh. I should have known better.

So after this, I was feeling a little guilty and disappointed in myself. I took one step off the path, then another, then another until I was overeating all over again. But this time I did something different. I stopped the self-loathing. I got out pen and paper and wrote affirmations. I wrote all the things that I want to be true, all the things that make me feel good about myself. I wrote things like: I DO have control over my eating, I DO make the best decisions for my life, my health and my body, I have the perfect body, I am healthy, happy, and full of joy, I am full of life force energy. By the time the page was filled up, I felt great. I didn't even feel too over-full anymore. Most importantly, I changed my energy from negative and destructive to positive. If I can remember all the things I've learned throughout my life about the power of the mind and the 'Law of Attraction,' I should know that it's really there in the mind that the problems or solutions lie. Addiction is in the mind. Mind-cravings can be overcome. The mind can be made to become quiet. I can eat what I desire and feel good about it- especially if I eat foods that I know are pure, healthy, and life-force generating.

So there ends my Week 1.

-Experiment Experience Summary: End of week weight: 114.5 lbs (very low for me!). Although I did not follow my principles and rules 100%, I overcame all obstacles. Overall, a VERY positive experience. I can see myself eating this way for the majority of my days, and then also experiencing days like Day 7 (minus the overeating at the end of the night.) I am developing more peace and clarity every day.
-Groceries Spent (Day 1 - Day 7): appx. $59 ($47 necessities/$12 unnecessary snacks)(Robin bought my lunch at Pho, but that probably cost about $10 max.)

Now today is Day 10. For the sake of not being redundant, I'm not going to give a summary of everything I'm eating this week. I'm still following my principles (eating mostly raw, not eating until hungry, etc.) and I'm still on a budget and trying to buy only what I need. My weight is pretty stable, 114/115.5 and my body feels good.

On Monday (Day 8), I had a little uh-oh with half a bar of chocolate that I've been hiding from myself. It was a revealing moment, showing me just how similar food-addictions are to drug and alcohol addictions. If you have it in the house, you will eat it/use it/drink it. I didn't want the chocolate at all last week, but then I got a tiny craving, remembered it was there, and ate it "so I could just get it out of the house already and not have to think about it anymore." It was a truly pathetic and low thing for me to do, and I knew it. So I wrote affirmations, reminded myself I have control and can always transform my body and mind with the next choice I make, and moved on. Yesterday, Day 9, went perfect. I had an all-raw day (I was pretty stuffed from that chocolate) with lots of fruit, an avocado, a raw snack bar, and a big, raw salad. I even took a nice long walk to Westwood village. I'll probably take another long walk there today, just for fun. Also, Robin and I are trying to have a Food/Movie night once a week, similar to last Sunday. It will be really nice if we can stick to it, because I rarely hang out with friends unless my band is playing a show or there's something truly extravagant to do. It will be fun to make a new yummy (healthy) recipe every week and watch some new movies. Sometimes I feel like a hermit :( I don't try to be, but I don't mind being alone, peaceful, reading, writing, so I tend to come off as a little anti-social...especially since the biggest, most popular social activity is drinking and I don't drink. Anyhow, tonight is this week's Food/Movie night and we are making fresh spring rolls and avocado/cucumber/brown rice sushi. YUM!

A new development for this week is that I'm focusing on balancing my own health with the health and happiness of my boyfriend, Brian. Last year, there was a time when we would always go shopping together and I would find meals we could both eat like curry and rice, pasta, veggie burritos (I would just add meat to his curry or cheese to his burrito, etc, to make it more enjoyable for him) with a big salad or steamed veggies on the side. We would shop at places like Trader Joes (very affordable, lots of vegan and healthy options for the most part) and I would make our dinners every night and then I would pack Brian a healthy, balanced lunch to take to work in the morning (salad, a sandwich, veggie chips, etc.) He told me he missed eating this way, and I realize I do miss cooking for both of us and we do save a lot of money when we share common items. The foods aren't quite as fresh or 'perfect' (eating canned curry, canned vegan chili, etc, instead of making it from scratch) but right now, that is what will fit into my budget. And that's all I ask of myself. Doing my best to benefit my health while remaining within my budget, living a life of happiness and freedom.

Looking forward to a wonderful week! Lots of joy!

Day Six, Skinny Bitch

I'm on Day 6 and I'm feeling awesome. Things really started to turn around for me after Day 3. I had really bad dessert cravings after dinner on Day 3. I just kept thinking about dates, goji berries, and Raw-zins (raw version of raisin-ettes) but I knew I was full and satisfied and realized it was just my addiction talking. On Day 4, I felt thinner and no longer bloated. Toward the afternoon I realized I was in an awesome mood and had great energy. I was feeling positive about life and started using affirmations again like I used to. I affirmed having the perfect body, earning an abundant income. I also re-read Skinny Bitch, the book that got me to fall in love with being vegan, but more on that later. And my days just keep getting better and better. I'm loosing weight again. I'm feeling in control. Here's a summary of the past couple days:

Day 4: 116.5 lbs
-Big glass of mango, banana, and kale smoothie (9:10am). -2 carrots (4pm) -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, avocado, cucumber, tomato, garlic, onion, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and herbs/spices (YUM!) served with blanched asparagus and leftover brown rice

Day 5: 115 lbs
-Pear (11:45am). -2 carrots (3:45pm). -Salad w/mixed greens, kale, olives, garlic, red onion, cucumber, tomato, vinegar, and seasonings (not as good with these olives; Olives of Love from PCC are THE BEST! also, kale tastes better to me with avocado, not so much with olives) served with blanched broccoli and one cup whole wheat noodles tossed with garlic + seasonings, tomato, and olives.
-Groceries purchased: Romaine lettuce @QFC, avocado, 2 heads broccoli, 2 small containers fresh olives, 2 roma tomatoes, garlic, cucumber. $19

Day 6 (today): 114.5 lbs
-felt hungry upon waking so I had lemon cayenne water (9:30am). -Still hungry; grapefruit (10am) -Later I will probably have a banana, then 2 carrots at work on break, and then when I get home I will have leftover pasta, more broccoli, and an olive/veggie salad with romaine

So it seems to me that it only takes 5 days to turn my eating habits around. While I wouldn't exactly say that I'm completely free from food addictions and ready to bring back dessert and sweets, I do feel that I am in control. I do feel that I am close to being able to eat whatever I desire WITHOUT overeating or "needing" to eat certain vices over and over again. I'm close to freedom.

And now that my mind is quiet and no longer badgering me with questions, I have discovered many answers that I was seeking. To state a few of these answers: I AM capable of making proper food choices, I AM able to lose weight without eating 100% raw, I CAN eat balanced if I do eat 100% raw, I DON'T NEED to cut out grains, unless I choose to in the future. While I still don't know where exactly this experiment will lead or what my daily eating will look like 2 weeks or 2 months from now, I know this feels good NOW. This is helping me NOW. I can do this NOW. I have freedom from addictions NOW.

-Experiment Experience Summary: Now that I'm over the first 3 days of the detox, I'm feeling wonderful. I am full of life and positive energy. I am positive that I can make the best choices about my body, my diet, and my life. All good things are coming to me!
-Groceries Spent this week (Day 1 - Day 7): appx. $47 (already had whole wheat pasta at home)

Now on to Skinny Bitch (by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin). This is the book I found when I was under terrible stress about my diet and in great need for guidance (I wrote about that it in one of my first blogs.) This book was entertaining, straightforward, and easy for me to understand with their hilarious "attitude" and ways of explaining things. It was a great introduction to facts about nutrition, getting healthy in order to get skinny, eating whole grains and whole, "healthier" forms of sugar, reading labels on all foods in order to determine their quality, and how a vegan diet can promote health and weight loss. It was also an eye-opening look into the world of cruelty to animals used for the food and dairy industries.

I was a little nervous to become vegan, but this book showed me so many vegan foods that were fun and similar to non-vegan foods like mock meats and soy cheese. I bought a few vegan cookbooks and in no time, being vegan was second nature.

But after a while, I realized my weight wasn't budging. I was eating a surplus of delicious, heavy, hearty, AMAZING tasting foods and not GAINING any weight, but I really wanted to LOSE weight. I wanted to be at my perfect weight. I won't go into further detail because I already did so in my earlier blogs, but basically, my desire for pure food brought me to reading Natalia Rose's books and eating raw again. After this, I felt a little mislead by Skinny Bitch. Even though it did head me down the right path and brought me to a better, healthier diet than the one I had before, I just wasn't at my best.

Well, after eating my delicious-yet-overeaten meal at Squid and Ink and being overwhelmed with questions and contemplations, I had the sudden urge to read Skinny Bitch again. The first thing that happened upon this (third) re-read is that I fell in love with being vegan all over again. I remembered all the reasons why I went vegan in the first place. Second, I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed the first two times I read it.

Initially upon reading the book the first time, I was filled with excitement, discovering all the foods and desserts I could make vegan: French toast, veggie burgers, pastas, mac n cheese, brownies, cookies, cupcakes. My focus was baking and creating amazing comfort food meals. I completely overlooked the fact that, while these meals are semi healthy compared to S.A.D food, they should never be eaten in excess and need to be balanced with fresh fruits, vegetables, and greens, EVERY DAY.

And reading it this last time, I realize that they actually say that! They warn against overeating, tell you to eat ONLY UNTIL SATISFIED, eat fruit for breakfast and raw veggies/salad for lunch for optimal results, don't binge, balance your meals, eat appropriate servings. It's all there, I just chose to ignore it.

My main complaint is that they didn't repeat these warnings enough or in a way that can get through thick, addictive skulls like mine. I wonder how many other girls read the book and ended up like me; vegan but overeating and obsessed with desserts. (For all I know it's just me, haha.) Another thing is that the menu plans at the end of the book don't cater to the "fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch" rule. They do state that it is optimal to do so but I do wish they would have included a menu of an ideal eating day for those who have finally finished transitioning from S.A.D. to vegan and want to eat even better. But I also understand that they were targeting a different audience, a beginner audience. People exactly like who I used to be, thinking I "could never go vegan because I would miss cheese and pasta." But unless you re-read it and pay close attention to the ways in which they encourage you to improve your diet, it's hard to move past the transition stage of being vegan. In fact, I knew in the back of my mind that I could be eating lighter and healthier (I knew those molasses cookies were full of refined sugar and flour) I just plain didn't want to. I loved my comfort food and I often chose eating in abundance over losing weight.

So basically, I love this book again because I now fully understand the motive behind Skinny Bitch and how to look at it from different stages. First, as a newbie to the wide, exciting world of vegan food. Second, reading it again to keep myself on track (which didn't last long). And third, reading it from a viewpoint of trying to make the best food choices for myself, overcoming overeating, and remembering the beauty and benefits of a vegan diet.

I recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their diet, especially if you are coming from a hearty diet full of refined flour, refined sugar, meat, and dairy. It makes transitioning to a vegan diet easy and fun. There are so many meals you can make vegan. I've found that almost ANY meal can be veganized. But for those of you who want to lose weight: make sure you keep in mind the suggestions to eat ONLY fresh fruit/fresh juice for breakfast, raw veggies/salad for lunch, and a balanced dinner WHEN YOU ARE READY. This would be a good time to read Raw Food Life Force Energy by Natalia Rose. But another warning: if you do go from being a happy, satisfied vegan to reading RFLFE, don't feel like you need to or should change your diet to include fish or raw goat cheese. There's a reason you went vegan. Unless you are unsatisfied, just stick with it. I'm glad I tried raw goat cheese because I got to make a decision for myself. And while I do believe that it digests beautifully and much easier than nut cheeses and soy cheese, I think I'm ready to say I won't be eating it again. I like not eating dairy. I don't need it.

Happy Saturday everyone (I have to work tonight but then I'll be off to enjoy my night)!!!