How the journey began

Growing up, I ate a lot of food that came out of packages; Mac n Cheese, canned Ravioli, sugary cereals. We ate a lot of meat, potatoes, white pasta, bread slathered in butter, ice cream and cake for dessert. For the most part, it was the Standard American Diet. Every once in awhile, my mom would encourage our family to eat healthier. I remember at one point we were vegetarian, although that didn't last very long. I wasn't opposed to healthy food; I just didn't know that I was eating unhealthy to begin with! I slowly became more health conscious in high school and ate more sandwiches and salads and "diet" foods and drinks. But I still ate tons of fried food and fast food. I've never been overweight, but at 5'00" with big boobs, wide hips and thighs, extra weight is very unflattering. It's always been really hard for me when I see the standards for "thin." Even health class was discouraging. I weighed between 120 and 125 lbs (sometimes more; my erratic eating behavior made my weight fluctuate regularly) and I learned that, for my height, that was the high-end. Of course, my friends reminded me that big boobs are awesome and that curves and lovely, but I still couldn't help but feel far from perfect. I knew I could be healthier. I knew my body could look amazing. If only I knew how to get there.

I've never been very athletic, aside from my love for walking and occasional dancing, but as I grew older, I tried to be more active. But I never adopted a lifestyle of exercise, and I continued to binge of sweets, fast food, restaurant food, and...alcohol.

I always looked to my mom for inspiration, and she started sharing with me her discoveries of cleanses and fasts. I tried a few different ones that she had done. The first couple (Isagenix I think it was called) were interesting and provided some good results. But it wasn't until we discovered the Master Cleanse (the lemonade cleanse) that I really started seeing and feeling something different. I read the book by Stanley Burroughs and attempted my first ten day cleanse. I didn't follow it exactly (I only lasted eight or nine days, I didn't always drink the laxative tea, and I refused to do the salt water flush in the mornings) but I still lost more weight than I had in a very long time and felt light and amazing. From his book, I also learned a lot about the damaging effects of cooking food and how eating mostly uncooked and unprocessed fruits, vegetables, and grains can be beneficial. My mom started researching the raw food diet, and I followed suit. Our first book was Rawvolution by Matt Amsden. It was a great introduction to raw food and making raw dishes. I loved coming over to her house and making masterful raw creations. My second book was Raw Food Real World by Mattew Kenney and Sarma Melngailis. This one taught me more gourmet dishes. Me and my roommate at the time had tons of fun making recipes from this book! My mother and I continued incorporating more raw foods into our diets but neither of us went 100% raw, and in no time we were back to our old eating ways.

I tried to remain somewhat vegetarian, although I was never very strict about it. And I still ate fast food. Boy did I love that fried, processed goodness. My favorite thing in the whole world, and my main setback to weight loss, was cheese. I put cheese on everything. Meals seemed boring if they didn't include cheese. I loved pizza, nachos, pastas topped with cheese, cheese and crackers, even my salad had to be topped with cheese. I told myself I would and could never go vegan.

About a year after my first Master Cleanse, I started feeling like crap. I was eating everything. I was overeating. I had no limits; no rules. I figured a cleanse would help clean out my system and make me feel better for awhile. So I read the book again, and started my second ten day cleanse. This time I did drink the laxative tea and did the salt water flush almost every day. While cleansing, all the euphoria I had experienced the first time around came rushing back. I remembered how good it felt to have a light, clean body. I started reading about raw foods again and pulled out the few raw recipe books that I had and ordered a couple more online. I quit my cleanse on the ninth day, but after that, I ate 100% raw. I didn't know how long I would do it for, but I decided to stick to a raw diet as long as I could, if not forever. All I knew is that I was loosing weight and wanted to loose more. I wanted to finally see myself at my perfect weight! The day finally came just a few weeks after eating 100% raw. I weighed 115 lbs, which I hadn't weighed since middle school! I was so excited and I was really feeling great. But after those first couple weeks, there came a downside. I noticed that after a lot of my meals I felt over-full and bloated. I would go between being bloated and constipated to having really bad diarrea. I couldn't figure out how this could be! Most of the books I read said that you could eat whatever you wanted, how ever much you wanted, as long as it was 100% raw. So I ate what I wanted; fruits and vegetables and salads; but the majority of the food I ate was nut-based. I loved making the "imitation" raw gourmet recipes like nut breads, nut puddings, nut desserts, etc. The last meal I remember eating during that "attempt" was a nut burger on nut bread with nut cheese, a couple nut cheese stuffed peppers, and a big side of nut based "egg" salad. For dessert I had fresh watermelon. I remember being over-full to the point of extreme pain. The next day my kidneys ached. A few days later I realized I had a full-on kidney infection. I learned that kidney infections can occur from too much protein and being overloaded, among other things. After all the crap a couple people had given me about how I couldn't possibly be getting enough protein and fat on an all raw diet, there I was with a kidney infection that was probably caused by too much protein. The infection got pretty bad. I missed over a week of work (I was a housecleaner at the time) and I couldn't eat anything more than veggie broth and oyster crackers. I lost five more pounds (not the healthiest way to loose weight) and became disgusted by food, especially nuts and other raw meals. So it's no wonder that after I got better, I was completely turned off by the raw diet.

I tried to remain at least somewhat healthy and at least vegetarian, but sooner or later, I gained all the weight back and was again back to my old ways. One positive change that I eventually made and stuck to, was that I quit drinking. It took a disaster experience and a terrible lesson to learn to finally get me to quit, but I did. I gained a lot of clarity and peace of mind, even though my diet continued to suffer and my weight refused to lessen.

But, like many things in life, the cycle occurred again. I felt like crap. I wanted rules and boundaries. I wanted to know what was good for me and what wasn't. I wanted to cleanse again, but wasn't quite up for it. I even had a mini panic attack because I was so stressed out about which diet advice to follow. There were so many theories and diets and I didn't know what to believe! But I needed something. I went to the bookstore with the intention of finding a book that held answers. The first book I saw was Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. The title sounded familiar and I realized my vegan friend Brandi had talked about it. After being raw for one month, being vegan seemed possible, but I wasn't sure if I would enjoy being vegan or if it was really healthy. But I went home and read the book, and loved what I learned. I immediately went vegan, throwing out all my non-vegan treats and the other food items the book discourages like foods with refined flours and sugars. I started eating healthier version of the food I loved like sucanat and evaporated cane juice for sugar, whole wheat pasta, whole wheat bread. I fell in love with vegan baking and had so much fun making amazing vegan meals and goodies. The best part was that I could replicate almost any common dish into a vegan dish. And, best of all, there was vegan cheese. I gobbled up vegan cheese just as regularly as I had dairy cheese. I loved making grilled "ham and cheese" sandwiches, burritos, pastas, cakes, cupcakes. I believed I could eat whatever I wanted, as long as it was vegan and semi-healthy (healthier sugars, whole flours.) I did manage to maintain my weight, but I could never reach my perfect weight. I LOVED my vegan diet though, and thought I had finally found a good compromise. I could eat greasy, "cheesy," sugary foods in great abundance, and not gain weight. But, about a year later, I started feeling like crap...again. I felt like something was missing. I was overeating a lot, especially in the desserts category. I admit I wasn't eating 100% pure, whole foods--I would eat refined sugars and grains when I went out to eat or if I came across some tempting vegan morsel. I started doubting the theory of "eat as much vegan health food in junk food form as you want, because as long as it's made with whole grains, whole sugar, or vegan cheese, it's guilt free." I was even growing sick of vegan cheese. I was craving more fresh fruits and vegetables. I was considering going raw or at least incorporating more raw into my diet. But I would always remember that horrible kidney infection and remind myself of my negative raw experience.

In the middle of this new "feeling like crap" stage, I went to Europe for a month, touring with a band I was in at the time. It was an interesting experience because I was forced to go to the store every day and get fresh fruits and veggies and eat very simply because we didn't have the luxury of microwaves and stoves. Some of our hosts would cook for us, but they always at least made a big salad I could eat. At the end of the month, I had lost about 5 lbs (if not a little more) and realized the benefits of cutting out sugary desserts (which I didn't have access to), vegan junk food meals, and eating simply. I retained a lot of my learning when I got home but--as you can guess--I returned to my old eating habits in no time. And it got worse. I knew I had a problem when a week passed and I realized the majority of my food and calories was coming from dessert. I have always had a huge appetite for such a small girl, and can easily eat numerous servings of cake, cookies, and cupcakes. Sweets and cheese (vegan and dairy alike) have always been my binge faves.

Again, the panic settled in. I was doubting what I had come to believe about vegan food. I still loved vegan food and knew it was the best diet for me at the time, and was so grateful for Skinny Bitch and all the delicious meals I could eat--but it just wasn't enough. Maybe some girls could be skinny vegans, but not me, not with my addiction to sweets. I knew I needed more knowledge, more boundaries, more rules. I know it sounds strange, but I have always done best when I follow strict rules, hence my success quitting drinking as opposed to limiting alcohol or my success being completely vegan as opposed to just trying to eat somewhat vegan or vegetarian. So a couple months ago, back to the bookstore I went. I had that same intention as I had before; the desire for answers and guidance. I was really interested in going raw again, but didn't want a repeat kidney infection. Also, I had been working as a barista at Starbucks, where we regularly taste coffee (although at that point, I had already made coffee a rarity and not a necessity) which is definitely not raw. And there was a big part of me that just didn't want to be 100% raw again. I still wanted the option and freedom to go to my favorite vegan restaurants if I wanted or make the occasional cooked meal. So many raw books say that the more raw you eat, the better, but also promise 100% raw is best if you can do it. That just made me feel stressed and pressured, being the perfectionist that I am.

Anyhow, as I was heading away from the cookbooks section, I glanced over the nutrition section with the intention of going home empty handed. A misplaced book that was just thrown in front of another caught my eye and made me pause. It was Raw Food Life Force Energy by Natalia Rose. Whoa! I thought. A raw food book when I wasn't even looking anymore! So I flipped through it and read the back. It sounded pretty close to what I was looking for. The best part was that her plan seemed to include some cooked food. This excerpt (from the back) really got me excited: "Looking for a whole new approach to weight loss, health, and beauty without necessarily going all-raw or strictly vegetarian?" Holy crap, I thought. That's exactly what I'm looking for! And if non-vegetarians can do this, then I definitely can! I bought the book and finished it that night. I loved it. It offered me so much knowledge that I had never been exposed to. She talked about food combining and how eating certain foods in certain orders and combinations can either help or harm your digestion. I realized exactly how and why my first attempt at raw had failed: improper food combining, and an over-consumption of nuts! It was so simple, how did I not see before?! I couldn't believe that I had turned my back on raw foods for so long when I could have easily continued if I had access to the wisdom in that book.

I began my transition that night, and followed her 21 day program. I was on a budget but I did my best.

21 days went by, and I loved it. I reached my "healthy" weight of 120 after the first week. I have gone another 21 days, and have maintained my weight. I still intend on loosing another 5 lbs but I also realize I've got some demons to fight first (like occasional refined-sugar cookies and overeating.) A couple days ago, I bought Rose's first book, The Raw Food Detox Diet. It was further illuminating and helpful, and provided even more delicious recipes. That brings me to present. Here I am on a raw food journey once again. This time, I hope it is for life.

Now, I've had my week moments and pitfalls during this experience, but that is for another blog, another day. I just wanted to give an exhaustive background of how I got to where I am today. Next up: an in depth look at my two 21 day plans, setbacks, successes, and lessons learned.