A little bit-o-detoxing

So I embarked upon my detox according to Natalia Rose's "Detox for Women" book for an entire week. And it has been wonderful! I admit though, I'm having trouble cutting out all sugars and pastries; Day one, I ate a wafer-cookie at about 2 in the morning after a long night out at my boyfriend's band's show. Day two I ate some ice cream. Days 3 and 4, I ate a pastries. I had ONE day where I ate well without a single sugar-sweet. But even with these setbacks, I had lost 4 lbs by this point!

Unfortunately, I realized I was spending quite a lot of money on groceries. After a lot of stress and disappointment, I decided to do a "budget detox" version (at least until I start my new job at Trader Joes where I will get to use my discount on produce!) Basically, instead of juicing for my first meal (which can get pricey)I eat a piece of low-sugar fruit like a green apple, grapefruit, or berries, usually around noon. Instead of a salad for my mid-day meal (since I eat a salad for dinner as well), I eat a simple mono-meal of raw veggies like carrots, usually around 2-4pm. And for dinner, I eat pretty much the same as the traditional detox from DFW; a BIG raw salad and whatever cooked veggies I want like a baked beet, baked sweet potato, sauteed veggies, etc.

Last night I hit another snag; while I ate my apple at noon, and an avocado at 3pm, by the time I got home from band practice, I was exhausted and overheated, and a little moody. My boyfriend offered to buy vegan taco bell burritos for dinner, which I accepted, and then chased them with an entire pint of ice cream. Not good this morning when I woke up! I was bloated and had gained back some lbs! I think it was mostly waste-weight, though, as I was feeling dense and constipated :(

Today, I followed my morning-afternoon detox routine, but then went a little non-detox for dinner; my boyfriend took us out for pasta. I got cheese shells...REAL cheese shells, not even vegan ones...and then we picked up some ice cream on the way home to eat later. I don't feel gross or over-full, but I really WANT to be dedicated to this detox. I want to get over these food cravings for greasy, heavy foods. I want more raw foods! I want sweets gone! Actually, I WANT to WANT them gone! This would be A LOT easier if I had a larger budget because I could replace these heavy foods with raw versions; zucchini pasta with raw marinara, raw ice cream. Then again, maybe I'm craving the interaction with my boyfriend? The going-on-a-date-feeling? Or maybe it's just that I'm subconsciously fighting the restrictions of my detox?

Well, you know what? The only thing that will get rid of these cravings, is a cleaner body. I don't crave this crap when my body is being filled with mostly raw foods and no sugar-sweets. So I need to make a commitment; a REAL commitment, not just some half-assed attempt. I need to commit to say NO to my cravings. I need to start anew, tell my friends, family, and boyfriend that I need support, quit going out to eat, quit eating sweets, and do this detox for the rest of the month! And as for sweets, I need to cut them all out, raw or not, so my body can re-adjust to living without them and crave them less. Then I'll be more in control when I DO choose sweets. And after that, I should start choosing high-quality sweets, preferably raw!

So am I ready to make that commitment? I think so. Geez, I am so fickle! Is it just me, or is everyone else crazy too???!!!

On and on my journey goes...

So like every journey, there are mistakes, roadblocks, and lessons learned.

A few weeks ago, I could have said that my raw food journey and my Addiction Free Diet Experiment were going really, really well. I was happy with my body and my eating choices. I still had my temptations and food-addictions, but I was eating balanced and I felt pretty great. I had lost 10 lbs since starting my journey, and had developed the best physical body I had had in many years. The desire to maintain my perfect weight was fueled by my Christmas/Valentines Day Present from my boyfriend: a pinup style photo shoot by photographer Shena Lee. I was so proud as the day for the shoot (Feb. 7th) approached and I was still at my perfect weight, and looking and feeling amazing. The photo shoot went awesome; it was really fun and a great testament to my new eating lifestyle and would make for GREAT "before and after" pictures...if I HAD good "before" pictures that could show the dramatic changes in my physique. (Check out the photo shoot on my myspace page if you are interested in seeing Shena Lee's amazing work; hair and Makeup by Fushia Foxx; just beware, these are classic PINUP photos...not for the feint of heart!)

But after the photo shoot, I felt like I deserved a "reward"...in other words, a binge-fest! So my boyfriend and I went to this yummy Pho restaurant on Capitol Hill that serves some delicious vegan spring rolls, Pho, and fresh young coconut juice served straight out of the coconut! I ate way beyond full but I felt all right about it, reminding myself I had "worked so hard." Then later that night, I did some unnecessary snacking when I was STILL full, leading to an upset stomach and an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. The days that followed were nothing to be proud of either, and the following weekend started a new trend for the worst.

It was Valentines Day. The boyfriend and I had plans to be "fat" and eat pizza and ice cream instead of the traditional fancy dinner. Well, the place I wanted pizza from didn't have vegan pizza as advertised, and since our dining options were limited considering we were too late to beat the VDay dinner rush, we opted for this Mexican Restaurant by our house, Viva Mexico. Their vegan options are decent, but the food is far from life-force generating. But I ate my whole meal, nonetheless. When we went home, a HUGE container of vegan chocolate ice cream awaited. And I ate more than my fair share.

And so continued the next day. More leftover ice cream. More overeating.

So continued the week. Cookies. Sweets. Overeating. Not enough raw food. Snacking.

I did enjoy making delicious vegan comfort food creations with my friend Robin, which I posted on my Tessonja's Kitchen Blog, but I admit, I felt incredibly dense after (over)eating those meals. I'm sure if I had stuck with appropriate servings it would have been fine but apparently, I have yet to learn how to commit to non binging.

And I also had an awesome time with my friend Brandi, who was visiting over this past weekend from Colorado for her birthday. We ate out a lot at two of my favorite vegan restaurants, Squid and Ink and Bamboo Gardens. Twice I ate a HUGE piece of cake from Squid (one chocolate; one carrot cake) which left me DYING and in a blissful food coma. The food this weekend was delicious and amazing tasting...but I have to admit, I feel a big change in my overall health and body since last month when I was eating more raw foods and abstaining from dessert. I have gained 5 of my 10 lbs I had lost. I feel dense. I want raw foods again!

My addiction to dessert is serious. I keep getting flashbacks to the way I behaved with alcohol. Like when my boyfriend tries to help me and tell me not to give into my temptations; I get MAD! Just like I did when I used to drink. There was no getting through to me once I had my mind set on drinking more. Anyone who got in my way was my enemy. Anyone who got wasted with me was my best friend. It didn't matter who they were.

I love sweets but over consumption of them makes me feel like crap. Maybe not right away (I'm usually "high" on sugar at first) but the effects DO come, sooner or later. And I do not like being controlled by an addiction of any kind. And if I can overcome alcohol, I can overcome my addiction to food and my tendency toward binging.

I DO want the best health for myself. I DO want to be free from binging and obsessive dessert-eating. And I KNOW I can do it, because I already have. It's just about getting back on track; getting back on my journey.

It's fun to bond with others over food but I also need to know when to stick to my own ideals. I don't have a single friend who is as interested in a high-raw foods diet as I am, so it can be a little difficult when I want to have a food party or go out to eat somewhere. But you know what? I'm going to eat the way I feel is best for me. I need to get over my food addictions. And my friends will support me. If that means abstaining from dessert and vegan comfort food for awhile, I (and my friends) can handle it. There are tons of raw/healthy options that raw food lovers, vegans, non-vegans, and those unfamiliar with raw foods can all enjoy. Remember that Raw White Chocolate Strawberry Cheesecake? Who wouldn't love that? I can still have food parties. I can still go out. I just have to make healthier choices and choose healthier meals. The occasional "fun" day is fine. But I won't get carried away and make a habit of eating dense, heavy, processed foods.

It's time for me to re-read my principles for my Addiction Free Diet. It time to re-read my Top Diet Tips. It's time to practice what I preach. It's time to stand up for what I believe in. Cut out dessert! I don't need it! Cut down on junk food, comfort food, and processed food! Quit mindlessly snacking! I CAN do this, I know it! I WILL do this. I will reclaim the body and health I know I deserve!

For inspiration, I have purchased 3 EBooks that I've been salivating over the thought of having: "The Best of The Raw Freedom Community" and "The Best of The Sunny Raw Kitchen" both by Carmella of the amazing Sunny Raw Kitchen Blog, and Raw Goddess Heathy's "Just Desserts." Now, I know I intend on abstaining from desserts for awhile, but I love raw desserts and know I can enjoy them (NOT after dinner, obsessively) on occasion and in controlled amounts once I am eating balanced again.

Wish me luck.

The raw life

I realize that I have unintentionally eaten nearly 100% raw for 8 days in a row. By "nearly" I mean I've been eating a few non-raw ingredients like cocoa powder, maple syrup, and 70% dark chocolate, etc. For the past few months I have been following the "slow transition" suggestions as read about in Natalia Rose's books. But during this past week, I just haven't wanted to eat anything else. And it's not that whole "perfectionist" itch I can get...it's just that the meals that I've been craving just so happen to be all-raw. And it feels great! I know I will still eat the occasional baked sweet potato or lightly steamed veggie or piece of sprouted wheat bread. But it's interesting to see that, without even trying or even intending to, I've transitioned closer to an all-raw diet.

An occasion I'm curious to experience will be this Sunday; one of my only vegan friends, Brandi, is coming to visit. She lives out of state now, so I always get really excited when she comes to town because we meet up at my favorite vegan comfort food restaurant, Squid and Ink. When she lived in Seattle, we would go almost every Sunday. But I haven't been to Squid or really eaten "vegan comfort food" at all in the past couple months. I've managed to avoid fried foods, mock meats and soy cheese; three things I used to eat regularly. While I still have a place in my heart and tummy for vegan comfort foods, I don't crave them the way I used to. So I'm curious to see what I will order and how it will make me feel afterward. I predict my appetite won't be nearly as hearty- I used to wolf down my entire plate of whatever I ordered and get dessert. But, then again, I have surprised myself with my ability to binge on foods I didn't even know I could tolerate any more...ahem...Christmas Eve dinner ring a bell? (So ashamed!)

But I feel at peace with my diet right now. I feel like I have control. I feel like I can handle this occasional little splurge. I am happy to eat mostly raw food and I also feel the freedom to eat the occasional non-raw meal, if I so desire. I'm a little nervous that my sense of control will mysteriously disolve and my meal this Sunday will inspire a binge-fest, but I recovered easily from the Xmas Eve mishap, so I now know I can turn any backslide around again.

To remind myself of my power over food-addicitons and binging, I'd like to mention that ever since I've stayed away from molasses cookies from Starbucks, I no longer crave refined sugar treats. I've heard that you will crave whatever you continue to eat. That's why Alissa Cohen, in Living on Live Food, suggests committing to an all raw diet, if possible, because keeping cooked food in your diet keeps the cravings and addiction to cooked food alive. In my personal case, I agree with that to a certain extent. I don't believe there is much harm in occasional cooked veggies and such, and some raw foodists include a few cooked items in their diet, but I do believe you need to keep out all potentially negative foods from your diet, like all refined, processed, and sugary foods. Those are in no way harmonious with your body. I saw for myself; when I ate one molasses cookie, I needed one the next day, or the next week. When I ate refined flour in the form of a pita on Xmas Eve, I was desperately craving the cheesebread Brian ordered at Claim Jumper two days later. I will keep those lessons in mind this Sunday at Squid and Ink. If I start getting violent cravings for fries and mock meats the next day, I'll know why!

As a side note, I'm not saying that a traditional vegan "comfort food" diet is bad; it's just not me anymore. I feel like I've come a long way from when I ate like that every day- I've lost a LOT of weight and feel so much better now that I am on a mostly raw diet. I want to keep it that way!

And now for more news in my raw life: I've joined the Raw Freedom Community Forum. It's an amazing forum with so many recipes and interesting threads. As I don't have any raw friends here in Seattle (or anywhere, for that matter), it's nice to find a place where I can ask questions and read what other people in similar situations have to say. And the recipes, did I mention the delicious abundance of recipes? Yum! The RFC is also where I discovered the version of the Raw White Chocolate Cheesecake I made! The forum also lead me to two awesome blogs (Raw Goddess Heathy and The Sunny Raw Kitchen) that I frequent for their amazing recipes! They are both really inspiring. I've never seen so much RAW in one place! I'm new to the world of blogging and forums, so discovering all of this is really exciting for me. Yes, I feel like a nerd. I get easily excited about this kinda stuff, if you can tell.

And new developments have been making their way through my mind about my future with raw foods as a career. I keep getting more ideas. I'm now thinking of starting my own raw personal chef service. I've read some wonderful tips and advice on the RFC about making a living with raw foods. I also received some very helpful advice from Vanessa Sherwood, who runs a personal raw chef service in Chicago. Oh, and I will probably be taking a raw chef certification course over the summer. There are a couple I have looked into. The most affordable is a simple course taught by a student of Alissa Cohen's certification program. I am also looking into a few others, like one taught by Bryan Au. Since I am already confident in my ability to make delicious, edible, beautiful raw meals, I figure I should opt for the least expensive course to start with. I can always take more expensive programs in the future if I find that I need or desire it. I do not believe that "certification" is completely necessary, but I would just like to experience a class with a fellow raw chef; gain a little more confidence in my abilities.

I would just like to say that I am so grateful for all the help and recourses I have found! It's making this raw food journey more and more enjoyable by the day. Even now, while I sit at home, sick (I'm either experiencing some detox symptoms or I somehow managed to catch the guitarist's of my band The Shy Ones cold), all I want to do is search the RFC for recipes or make sketches and plans of my ideas for my raw business. Oh wait, maybe I just don't have a life haha. Just kidding. This is my life. My life is awesome!

Coconut Bliss and other findings of the day

So I was craving ice cream last night, but also wanted to make sure I chose something that was at least somewhat healthy and life-force generating. In Natalia Rose's two books, she recommends goat's milk ice cream as the best transition ice cream. Well, I'm not too fond of that idea. It was hard enough (mentally) when I tried raw goat cheese. I'd like to avoid all other forms of dairy. As I dismissed the goat milk ice cream idea, I suddenly remembered a brand of ice cream I've always wanted to try, "Coconut Bliss." I remember it being vegan and made from simple ingredients. The first time I went raw, I almost thought Coconut Bliss was raw. Now that I know how to recognize truly raw products, I know that it is not, but it IS very healthy according to my knowledge and in comparison to the other ice creams available. Coconut Bliss comes in quite a few amazing-sounding flavors, are all organic, dairy free, soy free, and vegan. The main ingredient is coconut milk and the only sweetener is agave nectar, one of the healthiest forms of sweetener (in raw form, agave nectar is my sweetener of choice at home when I make smoothies, home-made ice creams, puddings, desserts, and for sweetening just about everything from tea to salad dressings.) I brought home the Cherry Amaretto flavor and immediately fell in love. I ate half the pint last night! Today I bought another pint; chocolate hazelnut fudge. Holy yum. This ice cream is like magic! I thought I would have to make my own ice creams for the rest of my life in order to eat pure! While I'm sure Coconut Bliss is not quite as "life-force generating" as immediately-consumed-home-made raw ice creams, it is definitely the best choice in the freezer section by far. There are only two downsides: 1.) I love ice cream so much that my tummy has no limits and I can easily binge on a pint without remorse...OK, maybe a little remorse. 2.) Coconut Bliss is a lot more expensive than other ice creams ($5-$6 a pint) but WELL worth it considering the amazing, simple, healthy, organic ingredients. I can't wait to try all these flavors! Check out your local Whole Foods and PCC, and any other grocer, as I believe this brand is popping up all over the place. I bought my first pint at the West Seattle Thriftway!

Oh, and in other news; I've tested something out: not eating anything until I am hungry. It sounds simple, but here's the story: I work at Starbucks, and I usually work the opening shift. This means I wake up around 3:30 or 4. What I've been doing (after reading Natalia Rose's books and her suggestion of drinking "green lemonade" before consuming anything else) is waking up and drinking fresh veggie/fruit/greens juice. Although I am rarely ever remotely hungry that early, I drink it anyway, knowing it is my only chance unless I want to wait until after work (1-2pm.) And while the juice makes me feel good and awake, I've noticed that I just get hungry for food earlier than I would if I woke up later or didn't drink anything at all. Naturally, the body does not need food this early to begin with. I've read a lot of books (the first being Stanley Burrough's Master Cleanse book, I believe) explaining how the digestive system actually works best if no solid food is consumed until after noon (and if one must consume solid food, fresh fruit is the best choice) and it is even better to refrain from eating or drinking anything until you are truly hungry or thirsty. There is really no benefit from jump-starting your sleeping digestive system before you really need to. Anyhow, for the past couple days, I've woken up FULL; not just not hungry; I can tell my body does not want or need anything. As I don't currently have a travel bottle to put my green juice in to drink later, I've tried, for the past two days, to just abstain from eating while at work. I've brought enough fruit and raw snack bars with me just in case I become ravenous, but I haven't needed them. Perhaps I've just been eating too large of dinners and my digestion is backed up, or maybe I'm becoming more sensitve to my body's needs. Whatever the reason, here are my results so far: yesterday, I didn't eat until noon, and that was when I finally decided I should have some green juice (although I still wasn't exactly hungry). And today I didn't eat until about 2pm, when I was finally feeling like I needed something and ate a banana. And how did I feel during my work day? Great! My mind was clear, my tummy felt calm. During my breaks I would sip on warm water which would fill any emptyness I felt (it was wierd, I felt emptyness but not hunger. I could tell there was a difference). I never got the shakes, never felt starved. So I intend on following this theory for a few more days to see if my findings are consistent. I would, however, like to purchase a water bottle in the near future so when hunger does strike, green juice is the first thing I consume. According to Rose (and countless others) green juice (and green smoothies) is one of the best things you can consume every day. Green juice, made from different greens (I like kale, spinach, romaine, parsley, celery, cucumber--give or take more or less variety at a time; sometimes I mix it up, sometimes I choose just one green--juiced with carrots, apples, ginger, lemon, or other fresh fruit like pineapple) contains tons of live enzymes, chlorophyll, and vitamins, is best consumed immediately and on an empty stomach. However, I'm sure drinking it later (keeping it very cold or frozen) is better than not drinking it at all. So anyhow, I'm rambling a little now. Basically, I think I feel better when I eat minimally in the a.m. hours, no matter how long I've been awake. Oh yeah, and the scale showed me I lost another couple pounds today, too! wow! So I'll continue with this experiment, hopefully purchase a water bottle soon, and see how it turns out! Maybe I'm closer to loosing those last 5 pounds than I thought!