On and on my journey goes...

So like every journey, there are mistakes, roadblocks, and lessons learned.

A few weeks ago, I could have said that my raw food journey and my Addiction Free Diet Experiment were going really, really well. I was happy with my body and my eating choices. I still had my temptations and food-addictions, but I was eating balanced and I felt pretty great. I had lost 10 lbs since starting my journey, and had developed the best physical body I had had in many years. The desire to maintain my perfect weight was fueled by my Christmas/Valentines Day Present from my boyfriend: a pinup style photo shoot by photographer Shena Lee. I was so proud as the day for the shoot (Feb. 7th) approached and I was still at my perfect weight, and looking and feeling amazing. The photo shoot went awesome; it was really fun and a great testament to my new eating lifestyle and would make for GREAT "before and after" pictures...if I HAD good "before" pictures that could show the dramatic changes in my physique. (Check out the photo shoot on my myspace page if you are interested in seeing Shena Lee's amazing work; hair and Makeup by Fushia Foxx; just beware, these are classic PINUP photos...not for the feint of heart!)

But after the photo shoot, I felt like I deserved a "reward"...in other words, a binge-fest! So my boyfriend and I went to this yummy Pho restaurant on Capitol Hill that serves some delicious vegan spring rolls, Pho, and fresh young coconut juice served straight out of the coconut! I ate way beyond full but I felt all right about it, reminding myself I had "worked so hard." Then later that night, I did some unnecessary snacking when I was STILL full, leading to an upset stomach and an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. The days that followed were nothing to be proud of either, and the following weekend started a new trend for the worst.

It was Valentines Day. The boyfriend and I had plans to be "fat" and eat pizza and ice cream instead of the traditional fancy dinner. Well, the place I wanted pizza from didn't have vegan pizza as advertised, and since our dining options were limited considering we were too late to beat the VDay dinner rush, we opted for this Mexican Restaurant by our house, Viva Mexico. Their vegan options are decent, but the food is far from life-force generating. But I ate my whole meal, nonetheless. When we went home, a HUGE container of vegan chocolate ice cream awaited. And I ate more than my fair share.

And so continued the next day. More leftover ice cream. More overeating.

So continued the week. Cookies. Sweets. Overeating. Not enough raw food. Snacking.

I did enjoy making delicious vegan comfort food creations with my friend Robin, which I posted on my Tessonja's Kitchen Blog, but I admit, I felt incredibly dense after (over)eating those meals. I'm sure if I had stuck with appropriate servings it would have been fine but apparently, I have yet to learn how to commit to non binging.

And I also had an awesome time with my friend Brandi, who was visiting over this past weekend from Colorado for her birthday. We ate out a lot at two of my favorite vegan restaurants, Squid and Ink and Bamboo Gardens. Twice I ate a HUGE piece of cake from Squid (one chocolate; one carrot cake) which left me DYING and in a blissful food coma. The food this weekend was delicious and amazing tasting...but I have to admit, I feel a big change in my overall health and body since last month when I was eating more raw foods and abstaining from dessert. I have gained 5 of my 10 lbs I had lost. I feel dense. I want raw foods again!

My addiction to dessert is serious. I keep getting flashbacks to the way I behaved with alcohol. Like when my boyfriend tries to help me and tell me not to give into my temptations; I get MAD! Just like I did when I used to drink. There was no getting through to me once I had my mind set on drinking more. Anyone who got in my way was my enemy. Anyone who got wasted with me was my best friend. It didn't matter who they were.

I love sweets but over consumption of them makes me feel like crap. Maybe not right away (I'm usually "high" on sugar at first) but the effects DO come, sooner or later. And I do not like being controlled by an addiction of any kind. And if I can overcome alcohol, I can overcome my addiction to food and my tendency toward binging.

I DO want the best health for myself. I DO want to be free from binging and obsessive dessert-eating. And I KNOW I can do it, because I already have. It's just about getting back on track; getting back on my journey.

It's fun to bond with others over food but I also need to know when to stick to my own ideals. I don't have a single friend who is as interested in a high-raw foods diet as I am, so it can be a little difficult when I want to have a food party or go out to eat somewhere. But you know what? I'm going to eat the way I feel is best for me. I need to get over my food addictions. And my friends will support me. If that means abstaining from dessert and vegan comfort food for awhile, I (and my friends) can handle it. There are tons of raw/healthy options that raw food lovers, vegans, non-vegans, and those unfamiliar with raw foods can all enjoy. Remember that Raw White Chocolate Strawberry Cheesecake? Who wouldn't love that? I can still have food parties. I can still go out. I just have to make healthier choices and choose healthier meals. The occasional "fun" day is fine. But I won't get carried away and make a habit of eating dense, heavy, processed foods.

It's time for me to re-read my principles for my Addiction Free Diet. It time to re-read my Top Diet Tips. It's time to practice what I preach. It's time to stand up for what I believe in. Cut out dessert! I don't need it! Cut down on junk food, comfort food, and processed food! Quit mindlessly snacking! I CAN do this, I know it! I WILL do this. I will reclaim the body and health I know I deserve!

For inspiration, I have purchased 3 EBooks that I've been salivating over the thought of having: "The Best of The Raw Freedom Community" and "The Best of The Sunny Raw Kitchen" both by Carmella of the amazing Sunny Raw Kitchen Blog, and Raw Goddess Heathy's "Just Desserts." Now, I know I intend on abstaining from desserts for awhile, but I love raw desserts and know I can enjoy them (NOT after dinner, obsessively) on occasion and in controlled amounts once I am eating balanced again.

Wish me luck.