Hmmm...

So my juice fast only lasted half a day. For one, I realized how expensive it was going to get, which started getting me down since I am on a budget. For another, the green juice I took to work yesterday to get me through just didn't taste good (I diluted it with water to make it last longer, and that wasn't a good idea) and was starting to make me nauseated. My energy started to drain and I wasn't feeling well. But then I remembered I still had a Vega snack pack with me. So I mixed that up quickly and immediately felt better and full of energy. I haven't been taking Vega regularly, since it is so expensive and I wanted to drink green smoothies for breakfast when I can, but I'm thinking I might try to incorporate Vega into my daily routine. It's just so full of vitamins and minerals and protein; so much good stuff and it makes me feel good which is important. I can still have green smoothies every day; I'll just have them for lunch or mix Vega into my smoothie!
In other news, I think I might take a break from recording everything I eat and focusing on it so much. I'm sick of being on this roller coaster ping-ponging between a high-raw diet and a eat-whatever-I-want vegan diet. I need balance but it just hasn't been happening. I have this tendency to strive for all-or-nothing; it's like I feel like I need to be 100% Raw if I'm going to eat raw at all or I need to eat cooked meals every night if I'm going to eat them at all. I need to relax, seriously! Take the pressure off myself all ready! Then again, maybe I'm not pushing myself hard enough. Maybe I'm giving myself too much freedom. Maybe I really need to banish desserts. Maybe I need to banish cooked food. I really don't know. I have so many questions and it seems like this pattern keeps happening over and over again. I want to be satisfied with my diet once and for all! I want to maintain my perfect weight for more than 2 weeks at a time! To be honest, I know the problem isn't ALL about what I eat and how much...it's me. I'm the one who chooses to binge. I'm the one who chooses the chocolate cake. I definitely have a lot of internal work to do and I don't have the answers I desire and I don't know where to start (even though I've done it before lol). But analyzing, asking, stressing, and wondering has never done me any good; the only thing that has is quieting my mind, and letting go. So I might take a little break from focusing on food and my weight. I need to learn to do things in the now. I need to learn to make decisions based on how I feel now; not because in my food journal I ate a certain something and still lost weight, or because a book tells me I can or should eat a certain way. I mean, even blogging about it right now is making me focus on it!

But guess what? I'll let it go. I don't know all the answers; but then again, deep down, I do. If my mind will be quiet enough, I will hear them.

Relax. Live. Eat. Nourish.