Most influential was the ending of a near-7 year relationship with my boyfriend. I left the relationship for many, many reasons and will not get too far into it here. It was a good choice that probably should have been made a lot sooner, and I am really happy with my decision. This event did, however, turn my life on its head. Being with someone that long can really make you lose a part of yourself, or at least repress it. There are so many complicated elements that make up who I am. The person I was becoming with him was great, for the most part; I was a good, accepting girlfriend, I was interested in health, I was eating well, vegan for two years, non-drinker for two years.
I started to feel other parts of myself coming out, though. First I broke being vegan (again and again), then I started drinking again. I broke up with the boyfriend and just...well, I can't really explained what happened. Everything I knew about my life just exploded, and I was the one who detonated the bomb. And it was great.
Where does this leave me now? Honestly, I am not interested in health and diet the way I was a few months ago. This sounds terrible, I know, but I'm just being honest. Haha, not that many people read this, or anything. Anyhow, detaching myself from the situation, I would say that I am destroying everything that I was for the past 7 years, starting new, figuring out who I am, who I want to be. I'm being reckless, I am having fun, I am eating like a 21 year old frat boy, I am staying up late. It may not be the best 'cleansing' but it is what I am doing nonetheless and I feel good about it.
I spent a lot of time cooking for the ex over the past few years, and now that it's over, and I am no longer a devoted little 'housewife' my desire to cook for myself has come to a complete standstill, in fact, I despise cooking these days. It's odd, because I used to find such joy in creating delicious meals, even when I was just cooking vegan stuff for me. Hmm, not quite sure what that's all about. I hope my joy of cooking returns eventually because I do still want to be healthy. My current diet consists of soup, salad, coffee, mac n cheese, or pizza for the most part. Oh, and beer. And mexican food and margaritas.
So my raw food journey has come to an end, at least for now. Maybe it will continue again if the desire returns.
I do, however, still have the passion to blog...I find something exciting or thrilling or therapeutic about sharing part of my life in a semi-public manner...so I will be expressing my current interests: words. I've written a lot of poetry in my life, although not so much during my last relationship. And I've been writing again, in addition to going through my old poems. I'm not very good or talented, but there's something about it that I like. So my new blog will share poems and short essays, old and new. I feel a little nervous and vulnerable about it, but drawn to it at the same time. We'll see how it goes...
new blog: Words
bye for now!
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